The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The English were very anxious to get up a sensation in France by way
of diverting the public mind from the fate of the Maid of Orleans. A
coronation, which is always one of the best cards to play, being good
for a king or queen at the least, was thought of and resolved upon. The
affair was intended to eclipse the ceremony of which Charles had been
the hero and Joan of Arc the heroine. Young Henry, who had been crowned
already at Westminster, and had therefore rehearsed the part he would
be called upon to play, was brought over to Paris with all the scenery,
machinery, dresses and decorations, properties and appointments, that
had been used before, so that the coronation being in the _répertoire_
of costly spectacles, the expense of its revival was moderate. The
performance took place in November, 1431; but though the getting-up was
very complete, the applause was scanty, and the attendance was by no
means numerous. Cardinal Beaufort occupied a stall, and there was a
fair sprinkling of people in the galleries; but' the principal character
being a spiritless and most unpromising boy of nine, the spectacle
excited very little interest.
Things remaining in France in a very unsatisfactory state, Charles and
Philip of Burgundy came to the resolution that it was folly to go
on cutting one another's throats, and they consequently effected a
compromise. Philip got the best of the bargain, which was solemnised
by a great deal of swearing and unswearing; for as the parties had
previously exchanged oaths of hostility toward each other, it was
necessary to take the sponge and wipe out former affidavits, as well as
to supply the blank with new oaths of an opposite character. There was
a mutual interchange of perjury; and posterity, on looking at the
respective culpabilities of the two parties, can only come to the
conclusion, that they were _beaucoup d'un beaucoup_, or much of a
muchness.
The Duke of Bedford did not live long after this treaty, but died of
indigestion, and considering that he had eaten an enormous quantity of
his own words, the result is by no means marvellous. He finished up his
existence at Rouen, on the 14th of September, 1435, having swallowed a
parcel of his own oaths, some of which are supposed to have stuck in his
throat, and caused his dissolution. The English in France soon felt the
fatal consequences of being without a chief, for the columns of an army,
like the columns of a journal, are incomplete without a leader. Deprived
of Bedford, the English soldiers could no longer hold Paris--or, rather,
Paris could no longer hold them--and they were consequently forced to
surrender. The Duke of York succeeded to the command in France--if
he can be said to have succeeded who failed in almost everything. A
succession of reverses was the only thing approaching to success which
he experienced; and a supersedeas was soon issued to overturn his
commission.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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