The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
William did not acquire the title of Conqueror quite so speedily as has
been generally imagined, for he was occupied at least seven years in
running about the country from one place to the other, wiping out,
by many severe wipes, the remaining traces of insubordination to his
government. In the year 1068 he besieged Exeter, where Githa, the aged
mother of Harold, was leading a quiet life, surrounded by a bevy of
venerable gossips. The Conqueror routed them out, and they repaired to
Bath, where their taste for tittle-tattle might have been indulged, but
meeting with rudeness from the celebrated Bath chaps, they hastened to
Flanders. William now sent for his wife Matilda, whom he had not brought
over until he could form some idea how long he was likely to remain in
his new quarters. A cheap coronation was got up for her at Winchester,
the contract having been taken by Aldred, Archbishop of York, who it is
believed found all the materials for the ceremony, without extra charge;
and as the queen was rather short, we may presume that everything was
cut down to a low figure. A little after this event, Harold's two sons,
Godwin and Edmund, with a little brother, facetiously called Magnus,
came over from Ireland, and hovered about the coast of Cornwall, where
young Magnus, being a minor, perhaps hoped for sympathy. They planted
their standard, expecting that the inhabitants would fly to it, but
they only flew at it, to tear it in pieces. Poor Magnus, with infantine
tenderness, cried like a baby over the insulted bunting. Tired with
their ill success, the three brothers eventually went over as suppliants
to Denmark, where the unhappy beggars were received by Sweyn with
amiable hospitality.
In the ensuing year, William turned Somerset so completely upside down
that it could not have known whether it stood on its head or its heels;
and in every shire he took, he built a castle, by way of insuring
the lives of himself and his followers in the county. According to
Hollinshed, the greatest indignities were passed upon the conquered
people. They were compelled even to regulate their beards in a
particular fashion, from which the youngest shaver was not exempt. They
were obliged to "round their hair," which probably means that they were
obliged to keep it curled, and thus even in their _coiffure_ they were
ruled by a rod of iron. In addition to this, they were forced to
"frame themselves in the Norman fashion," which must have made them the
pictures of misery.
[Illustration: 086]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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