The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
William had, in one of his amiable moods, probably over a bottle of
wine, promised Edwin, the brother-in-law of Harold, his daughter in
marriage. When, however, the earl came to claim his fair prize, the
Conqueror not only withdrew his consent, but insulted the suitor, and
a scene ensued very similar to the common incident in a farce, when
a testy old father or guardian flies into a passion with the walking
gentleman, exclaiming "Hoity-toity!" and calling him a young jackanapes.
Edwin, irritated at this treatment, collected an army in the north, and
waited near the river Ouse; but the courage of his soldiers soon oozed
out when the Conqueror made his appearance. William was victorious; but
he had much to contend against during the first few years of his reign,
and an invasion of the Danes, under Osborne, was a very troublesome
business.
The Normans, having shut themselves up in York, set fire to some of
the houses outside the city, to check the approach of the foe; but
the flames catching the minster, a "night wi' Burns" seemed to be
inevitable. Not wishing to remain to be roasted, they risked the minor
inconvenience of being basted, and made a very lively sally out of the
city. They were nearly all killed, and the Danes took possession of
York; but the place being reduced to ashes, was little better than an
extensive dust-hole. Osborne and his followers not wishing to winter
among the cinders, retired to their ships, and William thus had time to
make further arrangements.
The Conqueror was hunting in the Forest of Dean when he heard of the
catastrophe, and having his lance in his hand, he swore he would never
put it down until he had exterminated the enemy. This must have been a
somewhat inconsiderate vow, for though it may have been chivalrous to
declare he would never put down his lance until a certain remote event,
the weapon must have been at times a very inconvenient companion, as he
did not commence his campaign until the spring; but as his vow came into
operation immediately, the lance must have been a dead weight in his
hand during the whole of the winter season. At length he mounted his
horse, and rode rough-shod over the people of York, after which he took
Durham, and ultimately repaired to Hexham, to which he administered a
regular Hexham tanning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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