The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
As Odo left the Castle the "Rogue's March" resounded from tower to tower
and battlement to battlement, while the people sang snatches of popular
airs, among which "Go, Naughty Man," and "Down among the Dead Men," were
perhaps the greatest favourites. Odo was eventually banished, and the
insurrection was at an end, for Curt-hose had neither the money nor the
inclination to carry on the war; and, like a defunct railway scheme, the
plan took its place amongst the list of abandoned projects.
In the year 1088 Lanfranc, the king's adviser, died, and was succeeded
by a Norman clergyman, named Ralph, who was called also Le Flambard,
or the Torch, from his being a political incendiary, who had been ever
ready to light up the flame of discontent at a moment's notice. His
nominal offices were treasurer and chaplain, but his real duty was to
raise money for the king, extort for his majesty a large income, and
help him to live up to it. As a taxgatherer and a _bon vivant_ he was
unexceptionable; but we regret that we cannot say so much for him as a
bishop and a gentleman.
This person, however, succeeded only to the political, not to the
ecclesiastical dignities of Odo; for the king, finding the revenues of
Canterbury very acceptable, determined on acting as his own archbishop.
He professed a desire to improve the see by using his own eyes, but his
real view was to get all he could for the indulgence of his pleasures.
Ralph le Flambard seems to have possessed the talent of extortion to
a wonderful degree, and he even set at nought the proverb as to the
impossibility of making "a silk purse out of a sow's ear;" for he
certainty extracted immense sums by getting hold of the ear of the
swinish multitude.
[Illustration: 099]
William Rufus, having been successful against the friends of Robert
in England, determined (a.d. 1089) on attacking the unfortunate and
improvident Curt-hose on his own ground in Normandy. Socks had no money
to carry on the war, for he had not only cleared out his coffers to the
last farthing, but was up to his neck in promises which he never could
hope to realise. His bills were flying like waste-paper about every
Exchange in Europe, and the boldest discounters shook their heads when a
document with the familiar words "Accepted, R. Curt-hose," was shown
to them. He applied, therefore, for aid to the king of the French, his
feudal superior, who sent an army to the confines of Normandy, but sent
a messenger at the same time to the English king, stating the terms on
which the army might be bought off and induced to march back again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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