The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
Pontius, the Samnite general, was puzzled how to act, and sent to
inquire of his father what he should do, when the old man replied,
"Release them unhurt!" and the answer not being quite satisfactory,
another messenger was sent, who brought back the brief but expressive
recommendation to "cut them all to pieces." Pontius, thinking the old
gentleman had gone out of his mind, sought a personal explanation; but
the veteran, who was clearly averse to doing anything by halves, or
meeting anybody half-way, persevered in his recommendation to his son,
to do one thing or the other. The Samnites were struck with admiration
at the wisdom of the sage; but although all were dumbfounded by the
profound philosophy of the advice, nobody thought of taking it. Pontius
proposed terms, and having been deceived so frequently by the Romans
before, he magnanimously resolved to try and be even with them at last,
by putting them and his own countrymen on a perfect equality. He
stipulated for the restoration to the Samnites of all the places taken
from them; but the most painful portion of the arrangement to the Romans
was their being called upon to pass under the yoke,--a ceremony which
was supposed to lower for ever all who had once stooped to it.
Six hundred equites were held as hostages for the due observance of the
treaty, and these knights were, in fact, so many pawns, held in pledge
for the honour of the Romans. The Consuls, stripped of every thing but
their shirts, and looking the most deplorable objects, crawled under the
yoke, followed by the whole army in the same wretched undress as their
leaders. As they passed through Capua, the inhabitants, touched with
sympathy, came forth with bundles of left-off wearing apparel, which was
tendered to the humiliated troops; but their wounds were too deep for
ordinary dressing. They walked silently to their homes, through the back
streets of the city. All business was suspended on the day of their
arrival, and though the Romans had seen suffering in almost every
variety of guise, they had never met with it under such melancholy Guys
as those that were then before them. The Consuls resigned their offices
as rapidly as they could, for their nominal dignity only added to their
real disgrace, and they may be supposed to have felt the relief
experienced by the broken-spirited cur, whose tail has just undergone
the curtailment of the hateful, but glittering kettle.
[Illustration: The Romans clothed by the Inhabitants of Capua.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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