The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Others look upon the preservation of these remnants as providential
fields for the employment of the patience of domestic missionaries.
Young ladies contemplate them as the only living representatives of
mythological Loves, the sole heirs to the bow and arrow. Others still
admire them as our only legendary and poetic creations; the only ghostly
figures that creep weirdly through our sharp-set American quadrilles.
But while such discordant notions rasp the American ear and conscience
about their predecessors, there is a mode of hushing up all these family
jars; one which seems to have been adopted in all ages, from the time of
Joshua the son of Nun, down to the Irish wakes of our time, namely, to
drown them all in the jubilant music procured and paid for at the
expense of the estate to be divided up.
A few words in regard to Indian names. An affectionate and grateful
regard for the painted races, which will soon be seen only in the
picture-galleries and books of colored engravings, has sought to sow a
crop of Indian names over our lakes, rivers, mountains, and towns.
Unfortunately we have succeeded in keeping scarcely enough for seed. But
one State has borrowed the name of the Indian himself,—Indian-ah?—she
spelling it, however, in an un-English way, without a h, as if she had
said,
“O, _breathe_ not his name.”
The application of some of these names has been singularly felicitous,
as Sing-Sing, where the State guests attempt no musical flights, but are
made to hum quite another tune, if not to hush up altogether; Miss-ouri,
whose ill-fated union in our Federal family has been attended with such
left-handed rights,—State rights, Fanny Wrights, and, for a long time in
Kansas, conflicting rights; Minnehaha, whose ringing laugh is during so
long a portion of the year frozen in her soft throat; Kan-sas,
suggestive of her capacity for billingsgate and free use of abusive
language; Oregon, and yet inviting emigrants to her valuable mines while
she laughs a cunning laugh under the protecting cap of Mount Hood;
Wy-an-dot River, as if it had come to a sort of rocky comma, or
interrupting ledge, over which it was pausing a moment for breath to
take a hop-and-skip-and-carry-one overy leap; Pot-to-wat-o-my River,
seeming like a whole family council around a skillet steaming over a
fire, while the carrotty-headed mother was slightly walloping the
youngest of the party for asking some improper question; Pawn-ee Fork,
reminding one of those old-clothes shops kept by U. S., where the
unsuspecting and improvident Indian, always in want, might be tempted to
pledge his wild lands for a little ready cash, or a silver fork, or blue
trinket; Man-hat-tan, as if to perpetuate the fact of the great head
quality of the white man in dealing with the dusky ones for the purchase
of the little island that carries as its name, a cover for the little
transaction which transferred twenty-four dollars to the one, for the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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