The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Now and then also occurred a religious tornado, which prostrated whole
patches of plantations, and which, at one time, threatened to become the
prevailing winds of our American continent, taking the place even of our
strong and steadily blowing trade-winds. Thus a company of French
Huguenots, sent out in 1565, by Admiral Coligni, and planted in Florida,
were overwhelmed by a party of Spaniards, under Melendez, who, after
murdering them all, placed over their mutilated bodies this inscription:
“We do this not as unto Frenchmen, but as unto heretics.” Which was the
heretical part thus mercilessly dealt with, and which the French portion
not intended to be harmed, cotemporary accounts do not furnish us with
materials sufficient to enable us to discriminate. They do tell us,
however, that this then fashionable mode of treating religious
convictions was imitated by the countrymen of the French, acting upon
what was then thought to be the proper interpretation of the merciful
and benign principles of The Book, viz., “doing unto others, what they
do unto you”; for soon after De Gourges, sailing from France with three
ships, formed a surprise party to two Spanish forts, and after executing
a Spanish dance with the garrison, took them out and hung them up in the
trees like dried fruit; and fearing that the specimens might be
mistaken, left above them the recipe, as follows: “I do this not as unto
Spaniards, or mariners, but as unto traitors, robbers, and murderers.”
Whether the Spaniards thus done for properly appreciated the delicate
discrimination, we are not informed.
To the statistician it may be of interest to know that of the abortive
attempts at settlements within the present limits of the United States,
six were made by the English, one by the Swedes, two by Spaniards, and
two by the French. Lovers of that branch of political history will be
able to wring out of these figures results more extraordinary than any
we can torture them into.
On the whole, however, notwithstanding all drawbacks and misfortunes,
the settlements gained steadily on the Indians, fever and ague, the cold
and exposure, tomahawks, tavern-keepers, and surprise parties. Some
marriages took place, but no settlements were made on the bride, except
perhaps, in the course of time, her old father-in-law and mother-in-law,
who were fortunate if they brought with them, as addition to her scanty
stock, two whole empty trunks, their own. Queen Elizabeth did everything
to promote the growth of population in her favorite colony of Virginia,
except to furnish them with a personal example; but to make up for this
omission, she sent out some Episcopal clergymen, provided with surplice
and stole, and with licenses to marry. These obtained settlements for
themselves, and zealously stimulated them in others.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account