The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Some attempted settlements here, because they could not succeed in
making any with their creditors at home. Of this class, many were found
in the bounds of the London Company, scraped up under the charter of
James I., granted in 1606,—a company which sowed their wild oats between
the thirty-fourth and thirty-eighth parallels of latitude, but whose
doings, undoings, and misdoings had no parallel whatever. Some of this
seed, lying dormant, sprouted up in these regions as late as 1861, and
covered the Carolinas and Virginia with a crop worse than teazles or
Canada thistles.
The maxim that “frequent settlements make long friends,” was doubly
verified along the New England coast, where the security of the settler
could only be maintained by short and decisive footings-up of and with
the breech-less and treaty-breaking Picts of our history, or by such
often-planted gatherings as would prevent their attempts to run up a
score.
It is almost needless to say that in all the regions from the Penobscot
River to St. Augustine, under all the various charters, and among all
classes of colonists, English, Dutch, Swedish, Spanish, or Huguenot,
settlements were often made on the walls and behind the doors of
taverns, where the weekly score was kept,—a geological district mapped
out in a chalk formation, the size of which seemed always to astonish
the settler whenever his attention was particularly invited to it.
Whatever his own fields bore, here the crop was unfailing; or rather its
growth was generally in the inverse ratio to that of his wheat or
tobacco patch.
In a few instances settlements, fairly and permanently made were
suddenly uprooted by sudden squalls or tempests, which, razing the hair
from the heads of the colonists, still, as we read of their ferocity and
fury, raise our own. Such was the scalping-party that swept over
Deerfield, the savage whirlwind down the valley of the Wyoming, and the
rapid gust that licked up the little settlement of Cherry Valley.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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