The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Although it is said that “old Virginny never tires,” it must have been
because she had a robust constitution, for a busier body never existed.
Always resisting the attempts made by the profligate royal governors
upon her virginity, she had to watch them, day and night, for fear that
they would steal her hard earnings and run away with them. In fact,
during the sixty years that succeeded her birth at Jamestown, in 1606,
she was constantly on the alert, putting up scarecrows on her
cornfields, and notices of spring-guns, to warn away intruders; but
these, so far from frightening away, only attracted the curious bills of
the Indians. She was also forced to hold fast with might and main to the
scanty wardrobe brought out by her from England, and with which those
dissolute fellows, the young, titled, rakish, good-for-nothing
overseers, were always taking liberties. Fortunately for her, as well as
her sisters, the two Carolinas and Georgia, her shoulders were well
covered by capes, so securely fastened on that they could not be
snatched away, and their charms exposed to the rude stare or prying
curiosity of idle visitors from France and England, and even from staid,
sober Holland. And we here take the opportunity of repelling the slander
so often circulated upon Virginia, that she is “the mother of
States,”—an aspersion which, if true, would stain her virgin fame, and
leave a bar sinister across the shields of the States thus born out of
wedlock.
The first suitor for the budding affections of the youthful Georgia, or
Georgiana, although bearing the suspicious name of Ogle-thorpe, proved
to be a man of honorable intentions, high-minded, and in every respect
faithful to his ardent vows,—a constant mate in all her joys and trials
during his residence on the Savannah River, from 1732 to 1743.
Virginia’s royal lovers, on the contrary, although always protesting
their good intentions, were almost uniformly faithless. The last one
bore the ill-omened, but appropriate name of Dun-more. He was very
importunate, and in every way attempted to get her to make over her then
valuable property to him, but in vain; and at last so mercenary did he
become, and so disagreeable did he make himself, that she was obliged to
show him the door.
The spirited damsel was always plucky, and soon after this domestic
difficulty made up her mind to be wholly independent, and so in fact
publicly gave out to the whole world, saying that “she didn’t care who
knew it.” Massachusetts gallantly stood by the young girl in her
declaration, and so did all her brothers and sisters; even little Rhody
tossing up her jaunty sailor’s cap, and shouting out that, under
Providence, she was ready to “sail in.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account