The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
In 1630, the same liberality in disposing of broad strips of American
territory was shown by King Charles I. in granting a deed, embracing
North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia, to Sir Robert Heath; but in
1663 his son, the second Charles, desirous of improving his own
handwriting, which had been somewhat neglected from his eighth year, in
consequence of the necessarily active business life Cromwell had obliged
him to lead, put his signature, early one foggy morning, to a paper
which somebody laid in his way, and which, when brought out to the
light, proved to be a grant to Lord Clarendon and several other
pleasant, gentlemanly fellows, of this same small North American farm.
This select little knot of farmers, after building a few barns on their
farm, discovered that it was not large enough for their purposes. Like
the Irishman who wanted an additional sixpence to drink the health of
the gentleman who had generously given him a five-dollar bill, they
desired a back field to dump manure on; and they finally obtained a
second autograph from the obliging Charles to a bit of paper, allowing
them to use forever the small patch lying westward to the Pacific. The
farm was kept together until 1729, when it was divided up by George II.
into two parts, called North and South Carolina; the latter half being,
three years later, again split into two, and the lower part named, after
the burly old landlord, Georgia. Nearly fifty years, however, before
this division, upon a tongue of land called Oyster Point, and bivalved
between the Ashley and Cooper Rivers, Charleston was first set upon its
uneasy foundations. Whether affected by the contiguity of Folly Island,
by the use of too much pepper—always cheap in warm regions—upon the
native oysters, or whether unduly exhilarated by too exclusive a
contemplation of the cotton seed, which seems to have enlarged its
dilated and dilating pupils, the place, although but seven feet above
high tide, has always been given to high notions, and subject to a
certain vertigo. An admirable ingredient, the Protestant Huguenot
element, tossed out of France by the revoked edict of Nantes, was
infused into the young settlement of South Carolina in 1685. The plant
of liberty, however, early struck its anchoring roots close by the side
of the cotton-plant; and although the governors, sent out by the royal
proprietors from England, continually hacked into its smooth trunk, it
still grew apace, and its bracing tonic odors filled not only the
regions watered by the Santee and Pedee, but were wafted northwards and
over the sister Colonies.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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