The Comic Poems of Thomas Hood: A New and Complete EditionHood, Thomas
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The Comic Poems of Thomas Hood: A New and Complete Edition
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor
Oh, hast thou still those Conversazioni,
Where learnëd visitors discoursed--and fed?
There came Belzoni,
Fresh from the ashes of Egyptian dead--
And gentle Poki--and that Royal Pair,
Of whom thou didst declare--
“Thanks to the greatest _Cooke_ we ever read--
They were--what _Sandwiches_ should be--half _bred_?”
There famed M‘Adam from his manual toil
Relax’d--and freely own’d he took thy hints
On “making _Broth_ with _Flints_”--
There Parry came, and show’d thee polar oil
For melted butter--Combe with his medullary
Notions about the _Skullery_,
And Mr. Poole, too partial to a broil--
There witty Rogers came, that punning elf!
Who used to swear thy book
Would really look
A _Delphic_ “Oracle,” if laid on _Delf_--
There, once a month, came Campbell and discuss’d
His own--and thy own--“_Magazine of Taste_”--
There Wilberforce the Just
Came, in his old black suit, till once he traced
Thy sly advice to _Poachers_ of Black Folks,--
That “do not break their _yolks_,”--
Which huff’d him home, in grave disgust and haste!
There came John Clare, the poet, nor forbore
Thy _Patties_--thou wert hand-and-glove with Moore,
Who call’d thee “_Kitchen Addison_”--for why?
Thou givest rules for Health and Peptic Pills,
Forms for made dishes, and receipts for Wills,
“_Teaching us how to live and how to die_?”
There came thy Cousin-Cook, good Mrs. Fry--
There Trench, the Thames Projector, first brought on
His sine _Quay_ non,--
There Martin would drop in on Monday eves,
Or Fridays, from the pens, and raise his breath
‘Gainst cattle days and death,--
Answer’d by Mellish, feeder of fat beeves,
Who swore that Frenchmen never could be eager
For fighting on soup meagre--
“And yet (as thou wouldst add) the French have seen
A Marshal _Tureen_?”
Great was thy Evening Cluster!--often graced
With Dollond--Burgess--and Sir Humphry Davy!
’Twas there M’Dermot first inclined to Taste,--
There Colburn learn’d the art of making paste
For puffs--and Accum analysed a gravy.
Colman--the Cutter of Coleman Street, ’tis said,
Came there,--and Parkins with his Ex-wise-head,
(His claim to letters)--Kater, too, the Moon’s
Crony,--and Graham, lofty on balloons,--
There Croly stalked with holy humour heated,
(Who wrote a light-horse play, which Yates completed)--
And Lady Morgan, that grinding organ,
And Brasbridge telling anecdotes of spoons,--
Madame Valbrèque thrice honour’d thee, and came
With great Rossini, his own bow and fiddle,--
The Dibdins,--Tom, Charles, Frognall, came with tuns
Of poor old books, old puns!
And even Irving spared a night from fame,
And talk’d--till thou didst stop him in the middle,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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