These facts being found and set in order By grave M.D.’s beyond the Border, To make them for some months eternal, Were enter’d monthly in a journal, That many a northern sage still writes in, And throws his little Northern Lights in, And proves and proves about the phrenos, A great deal more than I or he knows. How Music suffers, _par exemple_, By wearing tight hats round the temple; What ills great boxers have to fear From blisters put behind the ear: And how a porter’s Veneration Is hurt by porter’s occupation: Whether shillelaghs in reality May deaden Individuality: Or tongs and poker be creative Of alterations in the Amative: If falls from scaffolds make us less Inclin’d to all Constructiveness: With more such matters, all applying To heads--and therefore _head_ifying. A SAILOR’S APOLOGY FOR BOW-LEGS. There’s some is born with their straight legs by natur-- And some is born with bow-legs from the first-- And some that should have grow’d a good deal straighter, But they were badly nurs’d, And set, you see, like Bacchus, with their pegs Astride of casks and kegs: I’ve got myself a sort of bow to larboard, And starboard, And this is what it was that warp’d my legs.-- ’Twas all along of Poll, as I may say, That foul’d my cable when I ought to slip; But on the tenth of May, When I gets under weigh, Down there in Hartfordshire, to join my ship, I sees the mail Get under sail, The only one there was to make the trip. Well--I gives chase, But as she run Two knots to one, There warn’t no use in keeping on the race! Well--casting round about, what next to try on, And how to spin, I spies an ensign with a Bloody Lion, And bears away to leeward for the inn, Beats round the gable, And fetches up before the coach-horse stable: Well--there they stand, four kickers in a row, And so I just makes free to cut a brown ‘un’s cable. But riding isn’t in a seaman’s natur-- So I whips out a toughish end of yarn, And gets a kind of sort of a land-waiter To splice me, heel to heel, Under the she-mare’s keel, And off I goes, and leaves the inn a-starn!