PHYL. (half crying). I can't think why I'm not in better spirits. I'm engaged to two noblemen at once. That ought to be enough to make any girl happy. But I'm miserable! Don't suppose it's because I care for Strephon, for I hate him! No girl could care for a man who goes about with a mother considerably younger than himself! (Enter Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller.) LORD MOUNT. Phyllis! My darling! LORD TOLL. Phyllis! My own! PHYL. Don't! How dare you? Oh, but perhaps you're the two noblemen I'm engaged to? LORD MOUNT. I am one of them. LORD TOLL. I am the other. PHYL. Oh, then, my darling! (to Lord Mountararat). My own! (to Lord Tolloller). Well, have you settled which it's to be? LORD TOLL. Not altogether. It's a difficult position. It would be hardly delicate to toss up. On the whole we would rather leave it to you. PHYL. How can it possibly concern me? You are both EarIs, and you are both rich, and you are both plain. LORD MOUNT. So we are. At least I am. LORD TOLL. So am I. LORD MOUNT. No, no! LORD TOLL. I am indeed. Very plain. LORD MOUNT. Well, well—perhaps you are. PHYL. There's really nothing to choose between you. If one of you would forgo his title, and distribute his estates among his Irish tenantry, why, then, I should then see a reason for accepting the other. LORD MOUNT. Tolloller, are you prepared to make this sacrifice? LORD TOLL. No! LORD MOUNT. Not even to oblige a lady? LORD TOLL. No! not even to oblige a lady. LORD MOUNT. Then, the only question is, which of us shall give way to the other? Perhaps, on the whole, she would be happier with me. I don't know. I may be wrong. LORD TOLL. No. I don't know that you are. I really believe she would. But the awkward part of the thing is that if you rob me of the girl of my heart, we must fight, and one of us must die. It's a family tradition that I have sworn to respect. It's a painful position, for I have a very strong regard for you, George. LORD MOUNT. (much affected). My dear Thomas! LORD TOLL. You are very dear to me, George. We were boys together—at least I was. If I were to survive you, my existence would be hopelessly embittered. LORD MOUNT. Then, my dear Thomas, you must not do it. I say it again and again—if it will have this effect upon you, you must not do it. No, no. If one of us is to destroy the other, let it be me! LORD TOLL. No, no! LORD MOUNT. Ah, yes!—by our boyish friendship I implore you! LORD TOLL. (much moved). Well, well, be it so. But, no—no!—I cannot consent to an act which would crush you with unavaillng remorse. LORD MOUNT. But it would not do so. I should be very sad at first—oh, who would not be?—but it would wear off.