The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)Ward, Artemus
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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
"The next specimen of pyrotechny will go up in the air, bust, and become
an eagle. Said eagle will soar away into the western skies, leavin' a
red trail behind him as he so soars."
But, alas! again. No eagle soared, but, on the contrary, that ordinary
proud bird buried its head in the grass.
The people were dissatisfied. They made sarcastic remarks. Some of
them howled angrily. The aged man who had before spoken said, "No,
Reuben, you evidently don't understand pyrotechny."
Pettingill boiled with rage and disappointment.
"You don't understand pyrotechny!" the masses shouted.
Then they laughed in a disagreeable manner, and some unfeeling lads
threw dirt at our hero.
"You don't understand pyrotechny!" the masses yelled again.
"Don't I?" screamed Pettingill, wild with rage; "don't you think I do?"
Then seizing several gigantic rockets he placed them over a box of
powder, and touched the whole off.
This rocket went up. It did, indeed.
There was a terrific explosion.
No one was killed, fortunately; though many were injured.
The platform was almost torn to pieces.
But proudly erect among the falling timbers stood Pettingill, his
face flashing with wild triumph; and he shouted: "If I'm any judge of
pyrotechny, That rocket has went off."
Then seeing that all the fingers on his right hand had been taken close
off in the explosion, he added: "And I ain't so dreadful certain but
four of my fingers has went off with it, because I don't see 'em here
now!"
____________________
A MORMON ROMANCE--REGINALD GLOVERSON.
CHAPTER I.--THE MORMON'S DEPARTURE.
The morning on which Reginald Gloverson was to leave Great Salt Lake
City with a mule-train, dawned beautifully.
Reginald Gloverson was a young and thrifty Mormon, with an interesting
family of twenty young and handsome wives. His unions had never been
blessed with children. As often as once a year he used to go to Omaha,
in Nebraska, with a mule-train for goods; but although he had performed
the rather perilous journey many times with entire safety, his heart
was strangely sad on this particular morning, and filled with gloomy
forebodings.
The time for his departure had arrived. The high-spirited mules were at
the door, impatiently champing their bits. The Mormon stood sadly among
his weeping wives.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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