My Uncle Wilyim disposed of his soap, and returned to his nativ land with a very exolted opinyon of the British public.  "It is a edycated community," said he; "they're a intellectooal peple.  In one small village alone I sold 50 cakes of soap, incloodin barronial halls, where they offered me a ducal coronet, but I said no--give it to the poor." This was the way Uncle Wilyim went on.  He told us, however, some stories that was rather too much to be easily swallerd.  In fack, my Uncle Wilyim was not a emblem of trooth.  He retired some years ago on a hansum comptency derived from the insurance-money he received on a rather shaky skooner he owned, and which turned up while lyin at a wharf one night, the cargo havin fortnitly been removed the day afore the disastriss calamty occurd.  Uncle Wilyim said it was one of the most sing'ler things he ever heard of; and, after collectin the insurance money, he bust into a flood of tears, and retired to his farm in Pennsylvany.  He was my uncle by marriage only.  I do not say that he wasn't a honest man.  I simply say that if you have a uncle, and bitter experunce tells you it is more profitable in a pecoonery pint of view to put pewter spoons instid of silver ones onto the table when that uncle dines with you in a frenly way--I simply say, there is sumthun wrong in our social sistim, which calls loudly for reform. I 'rived on these shores at Liverpool, and proceeded at once to London.  I stopt at the Washington Hotel in Liverpool, because it was named after a countryman of mine who didn't get his living by makin' mistakes, and whose mem'ry is dear to civilized peple all over the world, because he was gentle and good as well as trooly great.  We read in Histry of any number of great individooals, but how few of 'em, alars! should we want to take home to supper with us!  Among others, I would call your attention to Alexander the Great, who conkerd the world, and wept because he couldn't do it sum more, and then took to gin-and-seltzer, gettin' tight every day afore dinner with the most disgustin' reg'larity, causin' his parunts to regret they hadn't 'prenticed him in his early youth to a biskit-baker, or some other occupation of a peaceful and quiet character.  I say, therefore, to the great men now livin; (you could put 'em all into Hyde Park, by the way, and still leave room for a large and respectable concourse of rioters)--be good.  I say to that gifted but bald-heded Prooshun, Bismarck, be good and gentle in your hour of triump.  I always am.  I admit that our lines is different, Bismarck's and mine; but the same glo'rus principle is involved, I am a exhibiter of startlin' curiositys, wax works, snaix, etsetry ("either of whom," as a American statesman whose name I ain't at liberty to mention for perlitical resins, as he expecks to be a candidate for a prom'nent offiss, and hence doesn't wish to excite the rage and jelisy of other showmen--"either of whom is wuth dubble the