When I was in Rome--Rome in New York State I mean--a distinguished sculpist wanted to sculp me.  But I said "No."  I saw through the designing man.  My model once in his hands--he would have flooded the market with my busts--and I couldn't stand it to see everybody going round with a bust of me.  Everybody would want one of course--and wherever I should go I should meet the educated classes with my bust, taking it home to their families.  This would be more than my modesty could stand--and I should have to return to America--where my creditors are. I like Art.  I admire dramatic Art--although I failed as an actor. It was in my schoolboy days that I failed as an actor.--The play was "the Ruins of Pompeii."--I played the Ruins.  It was not a very successful performance--but it was better than the "Burning Mountain."  He was not good.  He was a bad Vesuvius. The remembrance often makes me ask--"Where are the boys of my youth?"--I assure you this is not a conundrum.--Some are amongst you here--some in America--some are in gaol.-- Hence arises a most touching question--"Where are the girls of my youth?"  Some are married--some would like to be. Oh my Maria!  Alas! she married another.  They frequently do.  I hope she is happy--because I am.*--some people are not happy.  I have noticed that. *(Spoken with a sigh.  It was a joke which always told.  Artemus never failed to use it in his "Babes in the Wood" lecture, and the "Sixty Minutes in Africa," as well as in the Mormon story.) A gentleman friend of mine came to me one day with tears in his eyes.  I said, "Why these weeps?"  He said he had a mortgage on his farm--and wanted to borrow 200 pounds.  I lent him the money--and he went away.  Some time after he returned with more tears.  He said he must leave me for ever.  I ventured to remind him of the 200 pounds he borrowed.  He was much cut up. I thought I would not be hard upon him--so I told him I would throw off one hundred pounds.  He brightened--shook my hand--and said--"Old friend--I won't allow you to outdo me in liberality--I'll throw off the other hundred." As a manager I was always rather more successful than as an actor.