The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)Ward, Artemus
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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
(The curtain fell for the last time on Wednesday, the 23d of January
1867. Artemus Ward had to break off the lecture abruptly. He never
lectured again.)
________________________________________
PROGRAMME OF EGYPTIAN HALL LECTURE.
PROGRAMME USED AT EGYPTIAN HALL, PICCADILLY.
________________________________________
A person of long-established integrity will take excellent care of
Bonnets, Cloaks, etc., during the Entertainment; the Audience better
leave their money, however, with MR. WARD; he will return it to them in
a day or two, or invest it for them in America as they may think best.
"Nobody must say that he likes the Lecture unless he wishes to be
thought eccentric; and nobody must say that he doesn't like it unless he
really IS eccentric. (This requires thinking over, but it will amply
repay perusal.)
____________________
The Panorama used to Illustrate Mr. Ward's Narrative is rather more than
Panoramas usually are.
____________________
MR. WARD will not be responsible for any debts of his own contracting.
____________________
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I.
APPEARANCE Of ARTEMUS WARD,
Who will be greeted with applause. "> The stall-keeper is particularly
requested to attend to this. When quiet has been restored, the Lecturer
will present a rather frisky prologue, of about ten minutes in length,
and of nearly the same width. It perhaps isn't necessary to speak of
the depth.
II.
THE PICTURES COMMENCE HERE, the first one being a view of the California
Steamship. Large crowd of citizens on the wharf, who appear to be
entirely willing that ARTEMUS WARD shall go. "Bless you, Sir!" they
say. "Don't hurry about coming back. Stay away for years, if you want
to!" It was very touching. Disgraceful treatment of the passengers,
who are obliged to go forward to smoke pipes, while the steamer herself
is allowed 2 Smoke Pipes amidships. At Panama. A glance at Mexico.
III.
THE LAND OF GOLD
Montgomery Street, San Francisco. The Gold Bricks. Street Scenes.
"The Orphan Cabman, or the Mule Driver's Step-Father." The Chinese
Theatre. Sixteen square yards of a Chinese Comic Song.
IV.
THE LAND Of SILVER. Virginia City, the wild young metropolis of the
new Silver State. Fortunes are made there in a day. There are
instances on record of young men going to this place without a shilling-
-poor and friendless--yet by energy, intelligence, and a careful
disregard to business, they have been enabled to leave there, owing
hundreds of pounds.
V.
THE GREAT DESERT AT NIGHT.
A dreary waste of Sand. The Sand isn't worth saving, however. Indians
occupy yonder mountains. Little Injuns seen in the distance trundling
their war-hoops.
VI.
A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW OF GREAT SALT LAKE CITY.
With some entirely descriptive talk.
VII.
MAIN STREET, EAST SIDE.
The Salt Lake Hotel, which is conducted on Temperance principles. The
landlord sells nothing stronger than salt butter.
VIII.
THE MORMON THEATRE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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