Do you know a eppylit from a piece of chalk?   If I trust you with a real gun, how many men of your own company do you speck you can manage to kill durin the war?   Hav you ever heard of Ginral Price of Missouri, and can you avoid simler accidents in case of a battle?   Have you ever had the measles, and if so, how many?   How air you now?   Show me your tongue, &c., &c.  Sum of the questions was sarcusstical. The company filled up rapid, and last Sunday we went to the meetin house in full uniform.  I had a seris time gittin into my military harness, as it was bilt for me many years ago; but I finally got inside of it, tho' it fitted me putty clost.  Howsever, onct into it, I lookt fine--in fact, aw-inspirin. "Do you know me, Mrs. Ward?" sed I, walking into the kitchin. "Know you, you old fool? Of course I do." I saw at once she did. I started for the meetin house, and I'm afraid I tried to walk too strate, for I cum very near fallin over backards; and in attemptin to recover myself, my sword got mixed up with my legs, and I fell in among a choice collection of young ladies, who was standin near the church door a-seein the sojer boys come up.  My cockt hat fell off, and sumhow my coat tales got twisted round my neck.  The young ladies put their handkerchers to their mouths and remarked: "Te he," while my ancient female single friend, Sary Peasley, bust out in a loud larf.  She exercised her mouth so vilently that her new false teeth fell out onto the ground. "Miss Peaseley," sed I, gittin up and dustin myself, "you must be more careful with them store teeth of your'n or you'll have to gum it agin!" Methinks I had her. I'd bin to work hard all the week, and I felt rather snoozy. I'm 'fraid I did git half asleep, for on hearin the minister ask, "Why was man made to mourn?" I sed, "I giv it up," havin a vague idee that it was a condrum.  It was a onfortnit remark, for the whole meetin house lookt at me with mingled surprise and indignation.  I was about risin to a pint of order, when it suddenly occurd to me whare I was, and I kept my seat, blushin like the red, red rose--so to speak. The next mornin I 'rose with the lark (N.B.--I don't sleep with the lark, tho.' A goak). My little dawter was execootin ballids, accompanyin herself with the Akordeon, and she wisht me to linger and hear her sing: "Hark I hear a angel singin, a angel now is onto the wing." "Let him fly, my child!" sed I, a-bucklin on my armer; "I must forth to my Biz."