The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 1: Essays, Sketches, and LettersWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 1: Essays, Sketches, and Letters
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
A hasty sketch of this great moral production may not be
uninteresting. Act 1st, scene 1st, discloses a log-cabin, with
fifteen minutes' intermission between each log. "William, a
spirited slave," and "John, the obedient slave," are in the cabin.
William, the spirited slave, says he will be free, "Why," says
William, "am I here thus? Was this frame made to be in bondage?
Shall THESE voices be hushed? Never, never, never!" "Oh, don't say
it thus," says John, the obedient slave, "for thus it should not be.
An' I tole ye what it was, now, jes take keer of them pistiles or
they'll work yer ruins. Mind what I say, Wilyim. As for me I shall
stay here with my dear Julia!" (Immense applause). "And so it has
come to this, ha?" said William, the spirited slave, standing
himself up and brandishing his arms in a terrific manner. "And so
it has come to this, ha? And this is a free land, so it has come to
this--to this--TO THIS." William appeared to be somewhat confused
at this point, but a wealthy newsboy in the audience helped him out
by crying, "or any other man." John and William then embraced,
bitter tears moistening their manly breasts. "Farwel, Wilyim," said
John, the obedient slave, "and bless you, bless you, me child." The
spirited slave walks off and the obedient slave falls into a swoon.
Tableau: The Goddess of Liberty appears in a mackinaw blanket and
pours incense on the obedient slave. A member of the orchestra gets
up and softly warbles on a bass drum. Angels are heard singing in
the distance. Curtain falls, the audience being soaking wet with
tears.
Act 2, scene first, discloses the house of Mr. Lyons, a slaveholder
in Virginia. Mr. Lyons, as we learn by the play, is "a member of
the Whig Congress." He learns that William, his spirited slave, has
escaped. This makes him very angry, and he says he will break every
bone in William's body. He goes out and searches for William, but
cannot find him, and comes back. He takes a heavy drink, is
stricken with remorse, and declares his intention to become a nun.
John, the obedient slave, comes in and asks permission to marry
Julia. Mr. Lyons says, certainly, by all means, and preparations
are made for the wedding.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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