"Not bein a natral born fool," sed I, by this time a little riled, "I kin safely say that she dothunt." "Oh whot--whot!" screamed the female, swingin her umbreller in the air.--"O, what is the price that woman pays for her expeeriunce!" "I don't know," sez I; "the price of my show is 15 cents pur individooal." "& can't our Soisety go in free?" asked the female. "Not if I know it," sed I. "Crooil, crooil man!" she cried, & bust into teers. "Won't you let my darter in?" sed anuther of the exsentric wimin, taken me afeckshunitely by the hand. "O, please let my darter in,--shee's a sweet gushin child of natur." "Let her gush!" roared I, as mad as I cood stick at their tarnal nonsense; "let her gush!" Where upon they all sprung back with the simultanious observashun that I was a Beest. "My female friends," sed I, "be4 you leeve, I've a few remarks to remark; wa them well. The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste. Its onpossible to get along without her. Had there bin no female wimin in the world, I should scarcely be here with my unparalleld show on this very occashun. She is good in sickness--good in wellness--good all the time. O woman, woman!" I cried, my feelins worked up to a hi poetick pitch, "you air a angle when you behave yourself; but when you take off your proper appairel & (mettyforically speaken)--get into pantyloons--when you desert your firesides, & with your heds full of wimin's rites noshuns go round like roarin lions, seekin whom you may devour someboddy--in short, when you undertake to play the man, you play the devil and air an emfatic noosance. My female friends," I continnered, as they were indignantly departin, "wa well what A. Ward has sed!" 1.23. WOULD-BE SEA DOGS. Sum of the captings on the Upper Ohio River put on a heep of airs. To hear 'em git orf saler lingo you'd spose they'd bin on the briny Deep for a lifetime, when the fact is they haint tasted salt water since they was infants, when they had to take it for WORMS. Still they air good natered fellers, and when they drink they take a dose big enuff for a grown person. 1.24. THE PRINCE OF WALES. To my friends of the Editorial Corpse: