"No, marm," sez I, "this is a Nashunal day. The glory of this here day isn't confined to Baldinsville by a darn site. On yonder woodshed," sed I, drawin myself up to my full hite and speakin in a show-actin voice, "will I fire a Nashunal saloot!" sayin whitch I tared myself from her grasp and rusht to the top of the shed whare I blazed away until Square Baxter's hired man and my son Artemus Juneyer cum and took me down by mane force. On returnin to the Kitchin I found quite a lot of peple seated be4 the fire, a talkin the event over. They made room for me & I sot down. "Quite a eppisode," sed Docter Jordin, litin his pipe with a red-hot coal. "Yes," sed I, "2 eppisodes, waying abowt 18 pounds jintly." "A perfeck coop de tat," sed the skoolmaster. "E pluribus unum, in proprietor persony," sed I, thinking I'd let him know I understood furrin langwidges as well as he did, if I wasn't a skoolmaster. "It is indeed a momentious event," sed young Eben Parsuns, who has been 2 quarters to the Akademy. "I never heard twins called by that name afore," sed I, "But I spose it's all rite." "We shall soon have Wards enuff," sed the editer of the Baldinsville "Bugle of Liberty," who was lookin over a bundle of exchange papers in the corner, "to apply to the legislater for a City Charter!" "Good for you, old man!" sed I; "giv that air a conspickius place in the next "Bugle." "How redicklus," sed pretty Susan Fletcher, coverin her face with her knittin work & larfin like all possest. "Wall, for my part," sed Jane Maria Peasly, who is the crossest old made in the world, "I think you all act like a pack of fools." Sez I, "Miss Peasly, air you a parent?" Sez she, "No, I ain't." Sez I, "Miss Peasly, you never will be." She left. We sot there talkin & larfin until "the switchin hour of nite, when grave yards yawn & Josts troop 4th," as old Bill Shakespire aptlee obsarves in his dramy of John Sheppard, esq, or the Moral House Breaker, when we broke up & disbursed. Muther & children is a doin well & as Resolushuns is the order of the day I will feel obleeged if you'll insurt the follerin-- Whereas, two Eppisodes has happined up to the undersined's house, which is Twins; & Whereas I like this stile, sade twins bein of the male perswashun & both boys; there4 Be it-- RESOLVED, That to them nabers who did the fare thing by sade Eppisodes my hart felt thanks is doo. RESOLVED, That I do most hartily thank Engine Ko. No. 17, who, under the impreshun from the fuss at my house on that auspishus nite that thare was a konflagration goin on, kum galyiantly to the spot, but kindly refraned from squirtin. RESOLVED, That frum the Bottum of my Sole do I thank the Baldinsville brass band fur givin up the idea of Sarahnadin me, both on that great nite & sinse.