Rackcoons liv tew be 65 years old, if they miss the sosiety ov men, and dogs enuff, but thare aint but few ov them die ov old age; the north western fur company, are the grate undertakers of the coon family. I feel sorry for coons; for with a trifle more brains, they would make respectable pettifoggers before a justiss ov the peace; but even this would not save them from final perdishun. Natur don’t make any mistakes, after all; she hits the bull right in the eye every time: when she wants a rackcoon with rings on hiz tale, she makes him; and when she wants a pettyfogger, she knows how tew make him, without spileing a good coon. Pettyfoggers, no doubt, hav a destiny to fill, and they may enable a justiss ov the peace, in a cloudy day, tew know a good deal less ov the law than he otherwize would; still, for all this, if I war obliged tew pray for one or the other, I think now I should say, Giv us a leetle more coon, and a good deal less pettyfogger. If the Raccoon would only giv his whole attenshun tew politicks, thar ain’t but few could beat him; he is at home on the stump, and menny on us, _old coons_, kan reckolekt how, in 1840, with nothing but a hard cider diet, he swept the country, from the north to the south pole, like a cargo ov epsom salts. THE FEATHERED ONES. DUK. The duk is a foul. Thare aint no doubt about this--naturalists say so, and kommon sense teaches it. [Illustration: THE FEATHERED ONES.] They are bilt sumthing like a hen, and are an up-and-down, flat-footed job. They don’t kackle like the hen, nor kro like the rooster, nor holler like the peakok, nor scream like the goose, nor turk like the turkey; but they quack like a root dokter, and their bill resembles a vetenary surgeon’s. They have a woven fut, and kan float on the water az natral az a sope bubble. They are pretty mutch all feathers, and when the feathers are all removed, and their innards out, thare iz just about az mutch meat on them az thare iz on a krook-necked squash that haz gone tew seed. Wild duks are very good shooting, and are very good to miss also, unless yu understand the bizness. You should aim about three foot ahead ov them, and let them fly up tew the shot. I hav shot at them all day, and got nothing but a tail-feather now and then; but this satisfied me, for i am crazy for all kind ov sport, yu know. Thare are sum kind ov duks that are very hard tew kill, even if yu do hit them. I shot, one whole afternoon, three years ago, at sum dekoy duks, and never got one ov them. I hav never told ov this before, and hope no one will repeat it--this iz strikly confidenshall. TURKEY. Roast turkey iz good, but turkey with kranberry sass iz better. The turkey iz a sedate person, and seldum forgits herself by gitting onto a frolik. They are ov various colors, and lay from 12 to 18 eggs, and they generally lay them whare noboddy iz looking for them but themselfs.