If i am charitable, if i am komplasent, if i am grateful, if i am honest, if i am virtewous--what ov it?--i hav simply dun mi duty. I am satisfied that thare aint no sich thing az _eloquent words_. Eloquence lays in manner, and i hav even seen an eloquent necktie. Style iz everything for a sinner, and a leetle ov it won’t hurt even a saint. Gravity, az a general thing, iz either the wizdum ov a phool or the cunning ov a raskall. Humility iz a good thing tew hav, provided a man iz sure he haz got the right kind. Thare never iz a time in a kat’s life when she iz so humble az just before she makes up her mind tew pownce onto a chicken, or just after she haz caught and et it. PLUM PITS. A man with a few brains iz like a dorg with one flea on him, dredful oneazy. I have alwus notised when an individual haint got the ability tew criticise judiciously, he dams indiskriminately. What do yu bet Fame iz? I bet it iz climeing a greased pole tew win a puss ov 10 dollars and spileing a suit ov clothes worth fifteen. New York iz a fast place. If a man pulls out on a phuneral procession, jist az likely az not the whole procession, led bi the hearse hoss, will strike a 2-40 gait and leave him tew take their dust. Ambishun iz like hunger--it obeys no law but its appetight. There iz no medicine like a good joke; it iz a silver-coated pill that frolicks and phisicks on the run. Beauty iz a morning dream which the breakfast bell puts an end to. The man who never makes enny blunders will never rise in the esteem ov the world abuv the reputashun ov a good guide-board. I dont want enny better proof ov a good hod-carrier than tew hear another hod-carrier say, “He iz a cussid phool and dont understand hiz bizzness.” [Illustration: WHAT TICKET DO YOU VOTE?] Poverty and ritches are mere imaginative distinkshuns. The man who kan eat hiz bread and be happy iz certainly richer than he who kant eat it unless it iz spred with butter. “Vote early and vote often,” is the Politishun’s golden rule. Du unto others az yu would be dun by. What ticket do you vote? I never knew but one infidel in mi life, and he had no more courage than a haff drowned kitten jist pulled out ov a swill barrel, and waz az afraid tew die az the devil would be if he waz allowed tew visit this earth, for a short seazon to recruit himself. Debt iz a trap which a man sets and baits himself and then deliberately gits into. Disseaze and pills, when they enter a man’s boddy, are like two lawyers when they undertake tew settle hiz affairs, they compromise the matter by laying out the patient. One good way i kno ov to find happiness iz not by boreing a hole to fit the plugg, but by making a plugg to fit the hole. A lie iz like nitro-glycerine, the best ov judges kant tell when it iz going tew bust and skatter confushun. A kicking cow never lets drive untill jist az the pail iz full, and seldum misses the mark; it iz jist so with sum men’s blunders.