Thare are men in this world whom flattery makes stronger, bekauze it makes them more kareful; but sutch men are skarse. Yu kant larn a piggin tew fli slo, nor a snail tew trot fast. The only safe way for most people tew git along in this world iz tew watch others, and do jist az they do. Human happiness iz like Joseph’s coat--a thing of menny colors. I kant tell which iz the wuss off, the man who iz all hed and no heart, or the one who iz all heart and no hed. Hope iz no flatterer--she cheats every body alike, but after all, iz the best friend we have got. Every boddy seems tew dispize a hippokrit--God, man, and the devil. An idle man iz always a bizzy one--he spends all hiz time hunting for nothing to do. Thare are but phew people in this world who make more trouble than a bizzy phool. Knowledge iz power no doubt, but it iz not always virtew--thare are sum people who only edukate their vices. Every man should kno sumthing ov law--if he knows enuff tew keep out ov it, he iz a pretty good lawyer. Waiting for a ded mans shoes iz just az mean az stealing the shoes before the man dies. The best reformers are thoze who are all the time trieing tew reform themselfs, thus presenting tew the world _one_ good example, worth at least a dozen precepts. Rum, dice, and lust bring all men tew one common level. * * * * * About the only difference between the poor and the ritch, is this, the poor _suffer_ misery, while the ritch hav tu _enjoy_ it. The time tew pray is not when we are in a tight spot, but jist as soon as we git out ov it. There iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and that iz twins. Yu ma make a whissel out ov a pig’s tale, but if yu du, you’ll find you’ve spilte a very worthy tale, and got a devilish poor whissel. STRAY CHILDREN. I dont think thare iz ennything that a man iz remarkable for, that iz more kultivated, than hiz excentricitys. [Illustration: STRAY CHILDREN.] Thare iz this diffrence at least, between _wit_ and _humor_, wit makes yu think, humor makes you laff. I luv praze, but despise flattery. I wouldn’t giv a shilling a pound for religion that yu kant take ennywhere out into the world with yu, even tew a hoss race, if yu hav a mind tew, without losing it. Tew do nothing, and tew be ov no use tew ennyboddy, iz the privilege ov wild beasts. The best way tew convince a phool he iz wrong, iz tew let him hav hiz own way. The very thing that most men think they have got the most ov, they hav got the least ov, and that iz judgement. A man iz vain just in proportion tew hiz pholly, and wize, just in proportion tew hiz humility. A vain man, flushed with success, spreads himself like a peakock, in a fair day, but when hiz hour ov trial cums, like a peakock, in a wet day, he folds hiz spread, “and steals silently away.”