It iz a lucky thing that epitaffs dont appear on a man’s tumestun untill he haz gone dead. If they were published while he waz living, what an insult most ov them would be tew hiz reputashun. I think Adam waz the weakest man i ever read ov. He committed the most sin, with the least amount ov temtashun, ov enny person history iz familiar with. One ov the surest sighns ov an intelligent civilizashun iz tew see amung the masses a bekuming respekt and reverence for the aged. Before yu undertaik tew change a man’s politiks or religion, be sure yu hav got a better one to offer him. Altho the world iz chuck full ov liars, thare iz but few men who dont prefer tew listen tew the truth. No man ever got hiz bread by preaching wisdum. Philosophy iz a good thing tew preach, but a cussed poor thing tew liv on. Tew be forgiven, weakens us; but tew forgiv others, weakens them. I hav lived in this world jist long enuff tew look karefully the seckond time into things that i am the most certain ov the fust time. Great men are seldum intimate. They are too jealous to love or esteem each other. HARD TACK. I dont like tew speak disrespekfullness agin ennyboddys near relashuns, but i hav made up mi mind that Eve waz a phool, and that Adam waz a bigger one. Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country. (I paws for a repli.) It iz a good thing for thoze who hav bin sinful tew turn over a nu leaf, but it often happens that, in doing this, they turn over two leaves at onst, and bekum so suddenly virtewous that they freeze up stiff. It iz better tew kno nothing than tew kno jist enuff tew doubt and tew differ. Charity is like a mule, a good servant but a bad master. When charity gits entire control ov a man’s affairs, it runs the affairs and the man both into the ground. Selfishness iz the alter which every man sets up in hiz soul and asks hiz conscience to be high priest ov the cerimonys. Cunning, at best, only duz the dirty work ov wisdum, and tharefore i dispize it. Hartes and dimonds are the two strong suits for a woman to hold--klubs and spades for man. [Illustration: HARD TACK.] I kant see what woman wants enny more rights for; she beat the fust man born into the world out ov a ded sure thing, and she kan beat the last one with the same kards. The man who kan stand abuse kan generally stand prosperity. The only way tew beat the devil iz tew fite him with the Bible in one hand and a sword in the other. If i could only praktiss az well az i kan preach, i would not thank a man tew warrent me in this world nor in the world tew cum. The kream ov a joke dont never lay on the top, but alwus at the bottom. Whenever i see a man anxious tew git into a fite that dont belong tew him, i am alwus anxious tew hav him, for i kno he iz certain tew be the wust whipped man in the party.