On the subjekt ov marriage hiz hed seems teu be ded level. He sed “that
he had been married 15 times, and proposed again teu Hannah Campbell, a
lady in the naberhood, who waz 28 years old.”
I asked him what he thought his chances were for obtaining the lady’s
hand, and he sed “it lay between him and one Theodorus Whitney, a
travelling korn doctor,” and added “if Whitney didn’t look out he would
enlarge his head for him.”
Upon mi asking him what he attributed his immense life and vigor to, he
sed, in a klear and distinkt voice:
“To 3 small horns ov whiskey a day, beleaving in the hard shell
doktering, and voting unanimously the demokratik ticket.”
I thankt him very mutch for the informashun he had given me ov himself,
and asked him if he had enny objekshun to mi putting it into print, and
he manifested a great desire that i should do so, not forgetting teu
make special menshun ov what he had sed about enlarging Whitney’s hed
for him, for he thought that would klear him out ov the naberhood.
I left John Bascomb after a deliteful visit ov four hours, and thought
over teu miself, if thare waz enny two rules for long life that had been
thus far diskovered that waz alike.
The more i thought ov this, the more i wished i could cum akrost
Methuseler for a feu minnitts, and hear him tell how he managed.
ELIZIBETH MEACHEM.
Lib Meachem (az she iz familiarly called in the township whare she
resides) iz one ov the rarest gems ov extenuated mortality that has ever
been mi blessed luk teu enkounter.
She iz not so old az Bascomb bi about two years, being only about 194
years old. Next to Lot’s wife she iz the best preserved woman the world
kontains.
I reached her place ov residence early in the morning, and in one minnit
after i told her mi bizzness her tounge had a phull hed ov steam on, and
for 3 hours it run like a stream ov quicksilver down an inklined plain.
I asked her a thousand questions at least, but not one ov them did she
answer, but kept talking all the time faster than Pochahontas kan pace
down hill teu saddle.
Az near az i could find out she had lived 194 years simply bekauze she
couldn’t die without cutting short one ov her storys.
I asked her teu show me her tounge--I wanted to see if that member waz
badly worn; but she couldn’t stop it long enuff teu sho it.
This woman haz reached her ernomus age without enny partikular habit.
She haz outlived every boddy she haz kum akrost, so far, by out-talking
them.
The only subject that I could for a moment arrest the flood ov her
language with, waz the fashions; but this waz a subjekt upon whitch i
unfortunately wan’t mutch.
As a last hope ov drawing her out upon sum fakts az teu her mode ov
life, i tutched upon that all-absorbing topick teu both old and yung--i
refer now teu matrimony.
Her fust husband it seemed, waz a carpenter, and, teu use her own words,
“waz too lazy teu talk, or teu listen while she talked, and so he died.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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