It iz not a bad kompliment tew poor human natur that vice, tew be very seduktive, must be made attraktive. Thare are but phew who prefer their iniquity on the haff shell. It iz the surprizes ov life after all that giv it its zest--even a rat bekums interesting bi the natral suddenty with whitch he cums out or goes into his hoel. I don’t bet on prekoshus children, they are like peas in Febuary, either forced, or out ov their latitude. Wit, without wisdum, iz like a song without sense, it don’t pleaze long. Yu kan’t find _contentment_ laid down on the map: it iz an imaginary place not settled yet; and thoze reach it the soonest who throw away their compass and go it blind. The gratest problem ever given tew man tew solve, and the one whitch he haz made the least progress in, iz, “_know thyself_.” LETTER TO FARMERS. _Beloved Farmers_: Agrikultur iz the mother ov farm produce; she iz also the step-mother ov gardin sass. Rize at haff past 2 o’clock in the morning, bild up a big fire in the kitchen, burn out two pounds ov kandels, and grease yure boots. Wait pashuntly for da brake. When day duz brake, then commense tew stir up the geese and worry the hogs. Too mutch sleep iz ruinous tew geese and tew hogs. Remember yu kant git ritch on a farm, unless yu rize at 2 o’clock in the morning, and stir up the hogs and worry the geese. The happyest man in the world iz the farmer; he rizes at 2 o’clock in the morning, he watches for da lite tew brake, and when she duz brake, he goes out and stirs up the geese and worrys the hogs. What iz a lawyer?--What iz a merchant?--What iz a doktor?--What iz a minister?--I answer, nothing! A farmer iz the nobless work ov God; he rizes at 2 o’clock in the morning, and burns out a haff a pound ov wood and two kords ov kandels, and then goes out tew worry the geese and stir up the hogs. Beloved farmers, adew. A TEMPRANSE KLUB. Feeling the grate need miself, ov a klub ov sum kind, i hav organized a _tempranse_ klub, and am anxious tew take into the buzzom ov the klub, enny party, who haz fair moral papers, and who iz not over 5 feet and 9 inches in hite. Sum few ov the leading artikles ov faith, bi wich the klub iz tew be navigated, will be found, on examinashun, to be az follows: Single admishuns tew the klub 50 cents, or three admishuns for one dollar. Fast yung men admitted at 5 per cent diskount from our regular rates. The coat ov arms ov this klub iz a glass ov cold water, with a pickle in it. The password iz--_a sweet breath_. The principal objekt ov this klub iz to kultivate soshul sentiments without the aid ov whisky. We sollumly beleave that whisky iz only good for the injuns. Thoze who are in the habit ov paying a dollar for a drink, not admitted, such folks are too respektabel. No female admitted unless she wants to git her husband to change a bill, and see what iz going on. We are opposed to all prohibitory laws, except for hoss stealing, and the like. [Illustration]