I aint so anxious about it on mi own ackount, for i kan manage tew worry along sumhow without it, but what iz a going tew bekum ov the grate mass ov suffering humanity? This iz a question that racks mi simpathetick buzzum! HINTS TO COMIK LEKTURERS. Comic lekturing iz an unkommon pesky thing to do. It iz more unsarting than the rat ketching bizzness az a means ov grace, or az a means ov livelyhood. Most enny boddy thinks thev kan do it, and this iz jist what makes it so bothersum tew do. When it iz did jist enuff, it iz a terifick success, but when it iz overdid, it iz like a burnt slapjax, very impertinent. Thare aint but phew good judges ov humor, and they all differ about it. If a lekturer trys tew be phunny, he iz like a hoss trying to trot backwards, pretty apt tew trod on himself. [Illustration: COMIK LEKTURE.] Humor must fall out ov a mans mouth, like musik out ov a bobalink, or like a yung bird out ov its nest, when it iz feathered enuff to fly. Whenever a man haz made up hiz mind that he iz a wit, then he iz mistaken without remedy, but whenever the publick haz made up their mind that he haz got the disease, then he haz got it sure. Individuals never git this thing right, the publik never git it wrong. The publik never cheat themselfs, nor other folks, when they weigh out glory. Thare iz jist 16 ounces in a pound ov glory, and no more, that is, by the publiks steelyards. Humor iz wit with a roosters tail feathers stuck in its cap, and wit iz wisdom in tight harness. No man kan be a helthy phool unless he haz nussed at the brest ov wisdom. Thoze who fail in the comik bizzness are them who hav bin put out to nuss, or bin fetched up on a bottle. If a man iz a genuine humorist, he iz superior tew the bulk ov hiz aujience, and will often times hav tew take hiz pay for hiz services in thinking so. Altho fun iz designed for the millyun, and ethiks for the few, it iz az true az molasses, that most all aujiences hav their bell wethers, people who show the others the crack whare the joke cums laffing in. I hav known popular aujences deprived ov all plezzure during the recital ov a comik lektur, just bekauze the right man, or the right woman, want thare tew point out the mellow places. The man who iz anxious tew git before an aujience, with what he calls a comik lektur, ought tew be put immediately in the stocks, so that he kant do it, for he iz a dangerous person tew git loose, and will do sum damage. It iz a very pleazant bizzness tew make people laff, but thare iz mutch odds whether they laff _at you_, or laff at _what yu say_. When a man laffs at _yu_, he duz it because it makes him feel superior to you, but when yu pleaze him with what yu have uttered, he admits that yu are superior tew him. The only reazon whi a monkey alwus kreates a sensashun whareever he goes, is simply bekauze--he is a monkey.