Everyboddy feels az tho they had a right tew criticize a comik lectur, and most ov them do it jist az a mule criticizes things, by shutting up both eyes and letting drive with hiz two behind leggs. Humor haz but phew rules tew be judged by, and they are so delikate that none but the most delikate kan define them. It is dredful arbitrary tew ask a man tew laff who don’t feel the itch ov it. One ov the meanest things in the comik lektring employment that a man haz to do, iz tew try and make that large class ov hiz aujience laff whom the Lord never intended should laff. Thare iz sum who laff az eazy and az natral az the birds do, but most ov mankind laff like a hand organ--if yu expect tew git a lively tune out ov it yu hav got tew grind for it. In delivering a comik lektur it iz a good general rule to stop sudden, sometime before yu git through. This enables the aujience, if they hav had enuff, tew be satisfied with what they hav had, and if they want enny more, it enables them to hanker for it. I know it iz dredful tuff, when a man iz on one end ov a stick ov molasses kandy, tew quit till he gits clean through; but he musn’t forgit that hiz aujience may not be so sweet on molassiss kandy az he iz. I hav got a very lonesum opinyun ov the comik lektring bizziness, and if I waz well shut ov it, and knu how tew git an honest living at ennything else, (except opening clams, and keeping a districkt skool,) i would quit tommorrow, and either trade oph mi liktur for a grindstone, or sell it to the proprietors ov sum insane hospital, to quiet their pashunts with. I dont urge ennyboddy tew cultivate the comik lektring, but if they feel phull ov something, they kan’t tell what, that bites, and makes them feel ridikilous, so that they kan’t even saw wood without laffing tew themselfs all the time, i suppose they hav got the fun ailment in their bones, and had better let it leak out in the shape ov a lektur. But i advise all such persons to pitty themselfs, and when they lay a warm joke, not tew akt az a hen doth when she haz uttered an egg, but look sorry, and let sum one else do the cackling. If i had a boy who showed enny strong marks ov being a comik critter, if i couldn’t get it out ov him enny other way, i would jine him to the Shakers, and make him weed onions for three years, just for fun. FASHION--FURY--FELLOW--FUN--FUSS--FLUNKY--FRETS--FITS--FINIS. FASHION. Fashion is a goddess. She iz ov the maskuline, feminine and nuter gender. Men worship her in her maskuline form--wimmin in her feminine form, and the excentricks in her nuter gender. She rules the world with a straw, and makes all her suppliants. [Illustration] She enslaves the poor az well az the ritch, she kneels in sanktuarys, pomps in cabins, and leers at the street korners. She fits man’s foot with a pinching boot, throttles him with a stubborn collar, and dies his mustash with darkness.