Fits jerk a man from the path ov duty, they knok him krazy at noontime, they seize him at twilite, and twist him arly in the morning. Sum men, and sum wimmen, are good only in fits, and bad only in fits, when they haint got a fit they are unfit for ennything. Yes, i think so. FUSS. Fuss iz like an old setting hen when she cums oph from her nest. Fuss iz like kold water dropt into hot grease--it sputters, and sputters, and then sputters agin. Fuss iz haff-sister to Hurry, and neither ov them kant do enny thing without gitting in their own way and stepping on themselfs. Thare iz more fuss in this world than thare iz hurry, and thare iz a thousand times more ov either ov them than thare iz ov dispatch. Fuss works hard all day, and don’t do enny thing, goes to bed tired at night, then gits up next morning, and begins agin whare she left oph. Oh, dear! whi iz this sutch. FELLOW. A fellow iz like a bottle ov ginger pop that haz stood six hours with the kork out, in a warm room--it ain’t ginger nor it ain’t pop. A fellow iz a hybrid; he hain’t got enny more karakter than a drizzly day haz, he iz every boddy’s cuzzin, and hangs around like a lost dog. He iz often clever, and that iz jist what ruins him. A clever phellow iz wuss oph than a mulatto. I am sorry for this--i am aktually sad. FLUNKEY. Flunkeys are just abuv loafers, and just belo fellows. They ain’t maskuline, feminine, nor nuter--they are just human dough. They hav the currage ov a spring chicken, the ferocity ov a kricket, the combativness ov a grasshopper, and the bakbone ov an angleworm. They are human dough made to order, and baked az yu choose. Ain’t it orful? FINIS. Finis iz the end ov all things--the happyest place in the whole job. All things on arth hav an end to them, and i kant think ov but phew things now that hain’t got two. A ladder haz two ends to it, and the surest way tew git to the top ov it iz tew begin at the bottom. Finis iz the best and only friend that menny a man in this world ever haz, and sum day Finis will be the autokrat ov the universe. Bully for yu, Finis. {ANIMATED NATUR.} THE NU FOUNDLAND AND THE TARRIER. Dogs are one ov the luxurys ov civilizashun. In uncivilized life they perhaps are more one ov the necessitys, az they quite often are cooked, and eaten whole. Among the civilized, if they ever do git onto a bill ov fare, (ov which i have mi own private doubts,) they are more artisktly handled, and enter into hash, or sassage, not az the leading artikle, but more tew kreate a good average. But i am not now disposed to treat ov dogs az vittles, but as the companyun ov man, hiz pet, and hiz partner. The Nu foundland dog iz a natiff ov the place whare the nobel kodfish iz kaught. He dont liv in the water, like the kodfish, but unlike the kodfish, livs on the land.