The fly iz no respekter ov pussuns, he lights onto the pouting lips ov a sleeping darkey, jist az eazy az he duz onto the buzzum ov the queen ov buty, and will buzz an Alderman, or a hod-carrier, if they git in his way. Flys, moraly konsidered, are like a large share ov the rest ov human folks, they wont settle on a good healthy spot in a man, not if they kan find a spot that iz a leetle raw. Their principal food iz every thing, they will pitch into a ded snaik, or a quarter ov beef, with the same anxiety, and will eat from sun rise, till seven o’clock in the evening, without getting more than haff phull. They will eat more, and hold less, than enny bug we kno ov. The fly haz a remarkable impoverished memory, yu may drive him out ov yure ear; and he will land on yure forhed, hit him aginly, and he enters yure noze, the oftner yu git rid ov him in one spot, the more he gets onto another; the only way tew inculcate him with yure meaning, iz tew smash him up fine. Naturalists dont tell us all about the soshull habits ov the fly, but i beleave they hav temprate habits, and altho they hang around grocerys a good deal, I never saw a fly the wuss for liquor, but i hav often seen liquor the wuss for flies. They hav a big appetight for gitting into things, they are the fust at the dinner table, and alwus take soup, and dont leave untill the cloth iz removed. Flys see a grate deal ov good sosiety, they are admitted into all circles, and if they remember one haff that they see and hear, what a world ov phunny sekrets they could unfold; but flys are perfekly honarable, and never betray a konfidence. What would sum lovers giv, if they could only git a fly tew blab, but a fly iz a perfek gentleman, he eats oph from your plate, enjoys yure conversashun, sees sights, and haz more phun, and privilege, than a prime minister, or a dressing maid, but when yu cum tew pump him, he iz az dry in the mouth, az a salt codfish. Thare iz sumthing a fly will blow, but he wont blow a sekret. Flys i think, must be born whole, for i never saw a haff born fly, they are all ov a size when yu fust see them, like a paper ov pins, and never git enny smaller. I dont kno ov a more happy, whole souled, honest critter, among the bug dispensation, than a hansum, square bilt fly, taking a free ride in central park, with the Mayor and hiz wife, or a free lunch at Delmonico’s, with the minister from England, and then finishing up the bizzness ov the day, by sleeping upside down, on the ceiling ov my ladys bed chamber. But thare iz plenty ov pholks who kant see enny phun, or religion in a fly, whoze whole aim iz tew set molasses traps for them, tew chase them out ov the house with a sled stake, and then clear across a ploughed lot onto the next farm, tew git up nights in their stocking feet, tew worry them, with the tongs, tew drive them tew the brink ov despair, and finally ruin them, with deth.