Tha are like sum men, verry korrupt at harte; ive known them tu be good mules for 6 months, just tu git a good chanse to kick sumbody. I never owned one, nor never mean to, unless thare is a United Staits law passed, requiring it. The only reason why tha are pashunt, is bekause tha are ashamed ov themselfs. I have seen eddikated mules in a sirkus. Tha kould kick, and bite, tremenjis. I would not sa what I am forced tu sa again the mule, if his birth want an outrage, and man want tu blame for it. Enny man who is willing tu drive a mule, ought to be exempt by law from running for the legislatur. Tha are the strongest creeturs on earth, and heaviest ackording tu their sise; I herd tell ov one who fell oph from the tow path, on the Eri kanawl, and sunk as soon as he touched bottom, but he kept rite on towing the boat tu the nex stashun, breathing thru his ears, which stuck out ov the water about 2 feet 6 inches; i did’nt see this did, but an auctioneer told me ov it, and i never knew an auctioneer tu lie unless it was absolutely convenient. BED BUGS. I never see ennybody yet but what despised _Bed Bugs_. They are the meanest ov aul crawling, creeping, hopping, or biteing things. They dassent tackle a man bi dalite, but sneak in, after dark, and chaw him while he iz fast asleep. A musketo will fight you in broad dalite, at short range, and giv you a chance tew knock in hiz sides--the flea iz a game bugg, and will make a dash at you even in Broadway--but the bed-bugg iz a garroter, who waits till you strip, and then picks out a mellow place tew eat you. If i was ever in the habit ov swearing, i wouldn’t hesitate to damn a bed bugg right tew hiz face. Bed bugs are uncommon smart in a _small_ way; one pair ov them will stock a hair mattrass in 2 weeks, with bugs enuff tew last a small family a whole year. It don’t do enny good to pray when bed bugs are in season; the only way tew git rid ov them iz tew bile up the whole bed in aqua fortis, and then heave it away and buy a new one. Bed buggs, when they hav grone aul they intend to, are about the size ov a bluejay’s eye, and hav a brown complexion, and when they start out to garrote are az thin az a grease spot, but when they git thru garroting they are swelled up like a blister. It takes them 3 days tew git the swelling out ov them. If bed buggs have enny destiny to fill, it must be their stummuks; but it seems tew me that they must hav bin made by acksident, jist az slivvers are, tew stick into sumboddy. If they waz got up for sum wise purpose, they must hav took the wrong road, for there kant be enny wisdum in chawing a man aul night long, and raising a family, besides, tew foller the same trade. If there iz sum wisdum in aul this, I hope the bed buggs will chaw them folks who kan see it, and leave me be, bekause i am one ov the hereticks. THE FLEA. The smallest animal ov the brute creashun, and the most pesky, iz the _Flea_.