The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
On the return, I expected to hear her reproaches; she made none, but
remained silent for three days. When I came to see her, she would greet
me kindly; then we would sit down facing each other, both of us
preoccupied, scarcely exchanging a word. The third day she spoke,
overwhelmed me with bitter reproaches, told me that my conduct was
unreasonable, that she could not account for it except on the supposition
that I had ceased to love her; but she could not endure this life and
would resort to anything rather than submit to my caprices and coldness.
Her eyes were full of tears, and I was about to ask her pardon when some
words escaped her that were so bitter that my pride revolted. I replied
in the same tone, and our quarrel became violent. I told her that it was
absurd to suppose that I could not inspire enough confidence in my
mistress to escape the necessity of explaining my every action; that
Madame Daniel was only a pretext; that she very well knew that I did not
think of that woman seriously; that her pretended jealousy was nothing
but the expression of her desire for despotic power, and that, moreover,
if she had tired of this life, it was easy enough to put an end to it.
"Very well," she replied; "it is true that I do not recognize you as the
same man I first knew; you doubtless performed a little comedy to
persuade me that you loved me; you are tired of your role and can think
of nothing but abuse. You suspect me of deceiving you upon the first
word, and I am under no obligation to submit to your insults. You are no
longer the man I loved."
"I know what your sufferings are," I replied. "I can not make a step
without exciting your alarm. Soon I will not be permitted to address a
word to any one but you. You pretend that you have been abused in order
that you may be justified in offering insult; you accuse me of tyranny in
order that I may become your slave. Since I trouble your repose, I leave
you in peace; you will never see me again."
We parted in anger, and I passed an entire day without seeing her. The
next night, toward midnight, I was seized by a feeling of melancholy that
I could not resist. I shed a torrent of tears; I overwhelmed myself with
reproaches that I richly deserved. I told myself that I was nothing but a
fool, and a cowardly fool at that, to make the noblest, the best of
creatures, suffer in this way. I ran to her to throw myself at her feet.
Entering the garden, I saw that her room was lighted and a flash of
suspicion crossed my mind. "She does not expect me at this hour," I said
to myself; "who knows what she may be doing. I left her in tears
yesterday; I may find her ready to sing to-day and caring no more for me
than if I never existed. I must enter gently in order to surprise her."
I advanced on tiptoe, and the door being open, I could see Brigitte
without being seen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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