The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
There was in my heart a secret cause of sorrow which I would not confess.
If that young man had arrived at the time of our greatest happiness, had
he brought an insignificant letter to Brigitte, had he pressed her hand
while assisting her into the carriage, would I have paid the least
attention to it? Had he recognized me at the opera or had he not, had he
shed tears for some unknown reason, what would it matter so long as I was
happy? But, while unable to divine the cause of Brigitte's sorrow, I saw
that my past conduct, whatever she might say of it, had something to do
with her present state. If I had been what I ought to have been for the
last six months that we had lived together, nothing in the world, I was
persuaded, could have troubled our love. Smith was only an ordinary man,
but he was good and devoted, his simple and modest qualities resembled
the large, pure lines which the eye seized at the first glance; one
became acquainted with him in a quarter of an hour, and he inspired
confidence if not admiration. I could not help thinking that if he were
Brigitte's lover, she would cheerfully go with him to the ends of the
earth.
I had deferred our departure purposely, but now I began to regret it.
Brigitte, too, at times urged me to hasten the day.
"Why do we wait?" she asked. "Here I am recovered and everything is
ready."
Why did we wait, indeed? I do not know. Seated near the fire, my eyes
wandered from Smith to my mistress. I saw that they were both pale,
serious, silent. I did not know why they were thus, and I could not help
repeating that there was but one cause, but one secret to learn; but that
was not one of those vague, sickly suspicions, such as had formerly
tormented me, but an instinct, persistent and fatal. What strange
creatures we! It pleased me to leave them alone before the fire and to go
out on the quay to dream, leaning on the parapet and looking at the
water. When they spoke of their life at N-----, and when Brigitte, almost
cheerful, assumed a motherly air to recall some incident of their
childhood days, it seemed to me that I suffered, and yet took pleasure in
it. I asked questions; I spoke to Smith of his mother, of his plans and
his prospects. I gave him an opportunity to show himself in a favorable
light and forced his modesty to reveal his merit.
"You love your sister very much, do you not?" I asked. "When do you
expect her to marry?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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