The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
Brigitte looked at me without saying a word. During the two succeeding
days, she treated me with a coldness that had something of contempt in
it, and I saw that she treated Smith with more deference and kindness
than usual. She called him, Henry, and smiled on him sweetly.
"I feel that the air would do me good," she said after dinner; "shall we
go to the Opera, Octave? I would enjoy walking that far."
"No, I will stay here; go without me." She took Smith's arm and went out.
I remained alone all the evening; I had paper before me and I was trying
to collect my thoughts in order to write, but in vain.
As a lonely lover draws from his bosom a letter from his mistress, and
loses himself in delightful reverie, thus I shut myself up in solitude
and yielded to the sweet allurement of doubt. Before me, were the two
empty seats which Brigitte and Smith had just occupied; I scrutinized
them eagerly as though they could tell me something. I revolved in my
mind all the things I had heard and seen; from time to time, I went to
the door and cast my eyes over our trunks which had been piled against
the wall for a month; I opened them and examined the contents so
carefully packed away by those delicate little hands; I listened to the
sound of passing carriages; the slightest noise made me tremble. I spread
out on the table our map of Europe, and there in the very presence of all
my hopes, in that room where I had conceived and had so nearly realized
them, I abandoned myself to the most frightful presentiments.
But strange as it may seem, I felt neither anger nor jealousy, but a
terrible sense of sorrow and foreboding. I did not suspect, and yet, I
doubted. The mind of man is so strangely formed that, with what he sees,
and in spite of what he sees, he can conjure up a hundred objects of woe.
In truth, his brain resembles the dungeons of the Inquisition whose walls
are covered with so many instruments of torture, that one is dazed and
asks whether these horrible contrivances he sees before him are pincers
or playthings. Tell me, I say, what difference is there in saying to my
mistress: "All women deceive," or, "You deceive me?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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