The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
"It must be!" I said to myself. "It must be!" I repeated aloud.
"What do you mean by that, Brigitte? What is there in those words that I
do not understand? Explain yourself, or I will not go. Why must you love
me?"
She fell on the sofa and wrung her hands in grief.
"Ah! Unhappy man!" she cried, "you will never know how to love!"
"Yes, I think you are right, but, before God, I know how to suffer. You
must love me, must you not? Very well, then you must answer me. Were I to
lose you forever, were these walls to crumble over my head, I will not
leave this spot until I have solved the mystery that has been torturing
me for more than a month. Speak, or I will leave you. I may be a fool who
destroys his own happiness, I may be demanding something that is not for
me to possess, it may be that an explanation will separate us and raise
before me an insurmountable barrier, that it will render our tour, on
which I have set my heart, impossible; whatever it may cost you and me,
you shall speak or I will renounce everything."
"No, I will not speak."
"You will speak! Do you fondly imagine I am the dupe of your lies? When I
see you change between morning and evening until you differ more from
your natural self than does night from day, do you think I am deceived?
When you give me, as a cause, some letters that are not worth the trouble
of reading, do you imagine that I am to be put off with the first pretext
that comes to hand because you do not choose to seek another? Is your
face made of plaster that it is difficult to see what is passing in your
heart? What is your opinion of me? I do not deceive myself as much as you
suppose, and take care lest, in default of words, your silence discloses
what you so obstinately conceal."
"What do you imagine I am concealing?"
What do I imagine? You ask me that! Is it to brave me you ask such a
question? Do you think to make me desperate and thus get rid of me? Yes,
I admit it, offended pride is capable of driving me to extremes. If I
should explain myself freely, you would have at your service all feminine
hypocrisy; you hope that I will accuse you, so that you can reply that
such a woman as you does not stoop to justify herself. How skilfully the
most guilty and treacherous of your sex contrive to use proud disdain as
a shield! Your great weapon is silence; I did not learn that yesterday.
You wish to be insulted and you hold your tongue until it comes to that;
come, come, struggle against my heart; where yours beats, you will find
it; but do not struggle against my head, it is harder than iron, and it
has served me as long as yours!"
"Poor boy!" murmured Brigitte; "you do not want to go?"
"No, I shall not go except with my mistress and you are not that now. I
have struggled, I have suffered, I have eaten my own heart long enough.
It is time for day to break, I have loved long enough in the night. Yes
or no, will you answer me?"
"No."
"As you please; I will wait."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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