The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
General
The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
It was not love, however, that I felt, and I do not know how to describe
it unless I call it thirst. For the first time I felt vibrating in my
body a cord that was not attuned to my heart. The sight of that beautiful
animal had aroused a responsive roar from another animal in my bowels. I
felt sure I would never tell that woman that I loved her or that she
pleased me or even that she was beautiful; there was nothing on my lips
but a desire to kiss her, and say to her: "Make a girdle of those
listless arms and lean that head on my breast; place that sweet smile on
my lips." My body loved hers, I was under the influence of beauty as of
wine.
Desgenais passed and asked what I was doing there.
"Who is that woman?" I asked.
"What woman? Of whom do you speak?" I took his arm and led him into the
hall. The Italian saw us coming and smiled. I stopped and stepped back.
"Ah!" said Desgenais, "you have danced with Marco?"
"Who is Marco?" I asked.
"Why, that idle creature who is laughing over there. Does she please
you?"
"No," I replied, "I have waltzed with her and wanted to know her name; I
have no further interest in her."
Shame led me to speak thus, but when Desgenais turned away I followed
him.
"You are very prompt," he said, "Marco is no ordinary woman. She was
almost the wife of M. de -----, ambassador to Milan. One of his friends
brought her here. Yet," he added, "you may rest assured I shall speak to
her. We shall not allow you to die so long as there is any hope for you
or any resource left untried. It is possible that she will remain to
supper."
He left me, and I was alarmed to see him approach her. But they were soon
lost in the crowd.
"Is it possible," I murmured, "have I come to this? O, heavens! is this
what I am going to love? But after all," I thought, "my senses have
spoken, but not my heart."
Thus I tried to calm myself. A few minutes later Desgenais tapped me on
the shoulder.
"We shall go to supper at once," said he. "You will give your arm to
Marco; she knows that she has pleased you and it is all arranged."
"Listen," I said; "I hardly know what I experienced. It seems to me I see
limping Vulcan covering Venus with kisses while his beard smokes with the
fumes of the forge. He fixes his affrighted eyes on the dazzling skin of
his prey. His happiness in the possession of his prize causes him to
laugh for joy, and at the same time shudder with happiness, and then he
remembers his father, Jupiter, who is seated up on high among the gods."
Desgenais looked at me but made no reply; taking me by the arm he led me
away.
"I am tired," he said, "and I am sad; this noise wearies me. Let us go to
supper, that will refresh us."
The supper was splendid, but I could not touch it.
"What is the matter with you?" asked Marco.
But I sat like a statue, making no reply and looking at her from head to
foot with amazement.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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