The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
General
The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
A SMALL wooden railing was placed around my father's grave. According to
his expressed wish, he was buried in the village cemetery. Every day I
visited his tomb and passed part of the day on a little bench in the
interior of the vault. The rest of the time I lived alone in the house in
which he died and I kept with me only one servant.
Whatever sorrows the passions may cause, the woes of life are not to be
compared with those of death. My first thought, as I sat beside my
father's bedside, was that I was a helpless child, knowing nothing,
understanding nothing; I can not say that my heart felt physical pain,
but I sometimes bent over and wrung my hands as one who wakens from a
long sleep.
During the first months of my life in the country I had no thought of
either the past or the future. It did not seem to be I who had lived up
to that time; what I felt was not despair, and in no way resembled the
terrible grief I had experienced in the past; there was a sort of languor
in every action, a sense of fatigue with all of life, a poignant
bitterness that was eating out my heart. I held a book in my hand all day
long but I did not read, I did not even know what I dreamed about. I had
no thoughts; within, all was silence; I had received such a violent blow,
and yet one that was so prolonged in its effect, that I remained a purely
passive being and there seemed to be no reaction.
My servant, Larive by name, had been much attached to my father; he was,
after my father himself, probably the best man I have ever known. He was
the same height and wore the clothes my father had left him, having no
livery.
He was about the same age, that is, his hair was turning gray, and during
the twenty years he had lived with my father, he had learned some of his
ways. While I was pacing up and down the room after dinner, I heard him
doing the same in the hall; although the door was open, he did not enter
and not a word was spoken; but from time to time we would look at each
other and weep. The entire evening would pass thus, and it would be late
in the night before I would ask for a light, or get one myself.
Everything about the house was left unchanged, not a piece of paper was
moved. The great leather armchair in which my father sat, stood near the
fire; his table and his books, just as he left them; I respected even the
dust on these articles, which in life, he never liked to see disturbed.
The walls of that solitary house, accustomed to silence and the most
tranquil life, seemed to look down on me in pity as I sat in my father's
chair, enveloped in his dressing-gown. A feeble voice seemed to whisper:
"Where is the father? It is plain to see that this is an orphan."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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