The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
"Come to-morrow during the day and I will see you." Then she left me.
The next day at noon I presented myself. I was introduced into a room
with old hangings and antique furniture. I found her alone, seated on a
sofa. I sat down before her.
"Madame," I began, "I come neither to speak of what I suffer, nor to deny
that I love you. You have written me that what has passed between us can
not be forgotten, and that is true; but you say that on that account we
can not meet on the same footing as heretofore, and you are mistaken. I
love you, but I have not offended you; nothing is changed in our
relations since you do not love me. If I am permitted to see you,
responsibility rests with me, and as far as your responsibility is
concerned, my love for you should be sufficient guarantee."
She tried to interrupt me.
"Kindly allow me to finish what I have to say. No one knows better than
I, that in spite of the respect I feel for you, and in spite of all the
protestations by which I might bind myself, love is the stronger. I
repeat I do not intend to deny what is in my heart; but you do not learn
of that love to-day for the first time, and I ask you what has prevented
me from declaring it up to the present time? The fear of losing you; I
was afraid I would not be permitted to see you, and that is what has
happened. Make a condition that the first word I shall speak, the first
thought or gesture that shall seem to be inconsistent with the most
profound respect, shall be the signal for the closing of your door; as I
have been silent in the past, I will be silent in the future. You think
that I have loved you for a month, when in fact I have loved you from the
first day I met you. When you discovered it, you did not refuse to see me
on that account. If you had at that time enough esteem for me to believe
me incapable of offending you, why have you lost that esteem? That is
what I have come to ask you. What have I done? I have bent my knee, but I
have not said a word. What have I told you? What you already knew. I have
been weak because I have suffered. It is true, madame, that I am twenty
years of age and what I have seen of life has only disgusted me, I could
use a stronger word; it is true that there is not at this hour on earth,
either in the society of men or in solitude, a place, however small and
insignificant, that I care to occupy. The space enclosed between the four
walls of your garden is the only spot in the world where I live; you are
the only human being who has made me love God. I had renounced everything
before I knew you; why deprive me of the only ray of light that
Providence has spared me? If it is on account of fear, what have I done
to inspire it? If it is on account of pity, in what respect am I
culpable? If it is on account of pity and because I suffer, you are
mistaken in supposing that I can cure myself; it might have been done,
perhaps, two months ago; but I preferred to see you and to suffer, and I
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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