"F. C. B. "_Advt._--'LIKA JOKO'! Parliamentary Prophet!! Prophecies sent out on shortest notice. Terms, ----. Reduction on taking a quantity." Yes! I did squirm at the misprint, which, however, was rectified in the next issue: "_A Parliamentary Prophecy._--In Mr. Harry Furniss's letter under this title in the _Times_ of yesterday the word 'aspirates' should be read instead of 'aspirants' in the following passage: 'The Labour representatives feel mischievous and happy--they are the heroes of the hour--and, although the members of the Labour Party have hitherto been nonentities in the House, they will probably be 'named' several times in the future. But Parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and such members will, in time, find respectability and aspirants, and grow dull." I wish I had followed the example of Mr. John Morley, who announced a couple of months before the election that he had written down his General Election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope; but so far as I have heard, he never risked his reputation for prophecy--he refrained from publishing the secret. That grave and weighty right hon. gentleman scored as the humorist, and I failed as a prophet in my second attempt. [Illustration: REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES IN _PUNCH_.] CHAPTER VII. "PUNCH" Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's Strange Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First Contribution--My Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel Small--The "Black Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms' Room--Styles of Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The Villain of Art--The New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical Cartoons--Darwen MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical Assault--John Burns's "Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's Insult--The Lay of Swift MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir William's Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_ Men in a Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One Horse--Its Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious Riding--Before the Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing Pictures for _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The Ridicule that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles Keene--Charles Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives. [Illustration: T]