The Confessions of Artemas Quibble: Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers"Train, Arthur Cheney
General
The Confessions of Artemas Quibble: Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers"
Train, Arthur Cheney
Attorney and client -- Fiction; Legal stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
"Exactly!" exclaimed my partner. "And here is another idea that
is well calculated to appeal to almost anybody. It has just occurred
to me quite involuntarily while you were speaking. Many of our
clients want to know if they cannot send the judge, who is trying
the case, a present of some sort, or maybe loan him a little money;
and it is always distressing to be obliged to tell them--usually--
that it is quite out of the question; that it would only get them
into trouble. Of course, occasionally we let them send the judge
a box of cigars, _but always with the compliments of our adversary
--never our own_. Now this shows how readily persons who are mixed
up in lawsuits or other difficulties would be ready to put up their
money if they supposed the judge were going to get it. All you
need is some unscrupulous fellow to go up to one of our clients
and mention the fact that he is the judge's brother-in-law and is
in dearth of ready money. Can't you see the client digging up the
needful? He'd be stuffing it down our friend's pockets before he
got through speaking; and the whole thing could be done quite
openly, you observe, because, even if the client found out later
that he had made a mistake, the law would not help him."
"An excellent illustration," I answered, "of the uses to which a
legal decision may be put."
"Indeed, though," continued Gottlieb, "the scheme need by no means
by as raw as all that. It is enough if there be merely an _immoral_
or _improper_ motive that induces the victim to part with his money.
For example, if he but thinks that he can do a sharp trick to some
one else. Let us suppose that I pretend to have secret information
to the effect that certain property is really much more valuable
than the owner supposes it to be. I propose to another that--if
he will put up the money for that purpose--we shall buy the property,
leading the owner to suppose he is getting full value for it. Now,
if, to induce the latter to make the sale, it is agreed between us
that we make false or misleading statements as to the real value
of the property I do not see but that I would be perfectly safe."
"Safe?" I queried. "I don't understand. You would have bought
the property, that is all."
"My dear Quib," returned my partner, "you seem singularly dull this
evening for one of your brilliant parts. The point is that the
property really isn't worth anything. I am in cahoots with the
man who sells it; and we divide even!"
"Yes," I answered; "a dozen similar schemes could be worked like
that."
"A dozen!" cried Gottlieb, bounding enthusiastically out of his
chair and commencing to stalk up and down the room. "A hundred!
Why, there are endless ways in which it can be worked--and I know
the man to work them too!"
"Eh!" I exclaimed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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