Fitz. took no notice of my sneer at the faculty, but proceeded to strike my chest several times, with his finger tips. “Try a short cough now,” said he. “Ah, that will never do!” “Do you ever flush. Before dinner I mean?” “Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon.” “I’m fairly puzzled,” said poor Fitz. throwing himself into a chair; “gout is a very good thing; but, then, you see you are only a sub., and it is clearly against the articles of war, to have it before being a field officer at least. Apoplexy is the best I can do for you; and, to say the truth, any one who witnesses your performance at mess, may put faith in the likelihood of it. “Do you think you could get up a fit for the medical board,” said Fitz., gravely. “Why, if absolutely indispensable,” said I, “and with good instruction—something this way. Eh, is it not?” “Nothing of the kind: you are quite wrong.” “Is there not always a little laughing and crying,” said I. “Oh, no, no; take the cue from the paymaster any evening after mess, and you’ll make no mistake—very florid about the cheeks; rather a lazy look in one eye, the other closed up entirely; snore a little from time to time, and don’t be too much disposed to talk.” “And you think I may pass muster in this way.” “Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, happen to be (what he is not often) in a good humour. But I confess I’d rather you were really ill, for we’ve passed a great number of counterfeits latterly, and we may be all pulled up ere long.” “Not the less grateful for your kindness,” said I; “but still, I’d rather matters stood as they do.” Having, at length, obtained a very formidable statement of my ‘case’ from the Doctor, and a strong letter from the Colonel, deploring the temporary loss of so promising a young officer, I committed myself and my portmanteau to the inside of his Majesty’s mail, and started for Dublin with as light a heart and high spirits, as were consistent with so much delicacy of health, and the directions of my Doctor. CHAPTER IX. THE ROAD—TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES—A PACKET ADVENTURE. [Illustration: Mrs. Mulrooney and Sir Stewart Moore]