The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — CompleteRousseau, Jean-Jacques
Philosophy
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Authors, French -- 18th century -- Biography; Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 1712-1778
Being, one day, wearied with the clerk’s discourse, she had retired to
her chamber; I made haste to finish what I had to do in the back shop,
and followed her; the door was half open, and I entered without being
perceived. She was embroidering near a window on the opposite side of
the room; she could not see me; and the carts in the streets made too
much noise for me to be heard. She was always well dressed, but this
day her attire bordered on coquetry. Her attitude was graceful, her head
leaning gently forward, discovered a small circle of her neck; her
hair, elegantly dressed, was ornamented with flowers; her figure was
universally charming, and I had an uninterrupted opportunity to admire
it. I was absolutely in a state of ecstasy, and, involuntary, sinking on
my knees, I passionately extended my arms towards her, certain she could
not hear, and having no conception that she could see me; but there was
a chimney glass at the end of the room that betrayed all my proceedings.
I am ignorant what effect this transport produced on her; she did not
speak; she did not look on me; but, partly turning her head, with the
movement of her finger only, she pointed to the mat that was at her
feet--To start up, with an articulate cry of joy, and occupy the place
she had indicated, was the work of a moment; but it will hardly be
believed I dared attempt no more, not even to speak, raise my eyes
to hers, or rest an instant on her knees, though in an attitude which
seemed to render such a support necessary. I was dumb, immovable, but
far enough from a state of tranquility; agitation, joy, gratitude,
ardent indefinite wishes, restrained by the fear of giving displeasure,
which my unpractised heart too much dreaded, were sufficiently
discernible. She neither appeared more tranquil, nor less intimidated
than myself--uneasy at my present situation; confounded at having
brought me there, beginning to tremble for the effects of a sign which
she had made without reflecting on the consequences, neither giving
encouragement, nor expressing disapprobation, with her eyes fixed on her
work, she endeavored to appear unconscious of everything that passed;
but all my stupidity could not hinder me from concluding that she
partook of my embarrassment, perhaps, my transports, and was only
hindered by a bashfulness like mine, without even that supposition
giving me power to surmount it. Five or six years older than myself,
every advance, according to my idea, should have been made by her, and,
since she did nothing to encourage mine, I concluded they would offend
her. Even at this time, I am inclined to believe I thought right; she
certainly had wit enough to perceive that a novice like me had occasion,
not only for encouragement but instruction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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