N.B.--Fanny is my wife's first name. The second time I had brought the woodsaw and horse up from the cellar, and was exercising myself sawing up my winter's wood, in the summer-kitchen, according to Doctor Howl's advice, when the Irishman from the grocery entered, bearing a bundle. My back was to him, and only seeing the gay and flowery gown, he exclaimed, in an awfully audible whisper to the cook: 'Shure yer mistriss has the power in her arms, jist!' Think of my wife, my gentle Fanny, having it shouted around the neighborhood that her brute of a husband made her saw all their winter's wood--yes! and split it, and pile it too, and make all the fires, and so on and cetera, and oh! I _am_ glad my husband isn't such a monster!' I turned on the Irishman, and when he saw my whiskers, he quailed! The third time, I was blacking my boots, according to Dr. Howl's advice, 'expands the deltoid muscles, is of benefit to the metacarpis, stretches the larynx, opens the oilsophagers, and facilitates expectoration!' I had chosen what Fanny calls her conservatory for my field of operation--the conservatory has two dried fish-geraniums, and a dead dog-rose, in it, besides a bad-smelling cat-nip bush; when, who should come running in but the identical Miss X---- who caught me shaving. 'Poor Fanny,' said she, before I could turn round; 'do you have to black the boots of that odious brute?' 'Miss X----,' said I, turning toward her, folding my arms over my dressing-gown, spite of having a damp, unpolished boot on one arm and a wet blacking-brush in the other hand, for I wished to strike a position and awe at the same time; 'Miss X----, I am that odious brute himself!' If you had observed her wilt, droop, stutter, fly! My wife went to the sea-shore last summer. I kept the house open, and staid in town; cause, business. When she returned, Miss X----, who lives opposite, called to see her. In less than five minutes, my wife was a sad, moaning, desolate, injured, disconsolate, afflicted, etcet. woman. 'How-ow-ow c-could you d-do it, Al-lal-bert?' she ejaculated, flooding every word as it came out with tears. 'Do what?' 'Oh-woh! oh-woe-wooh-wa-ah!' Miss X---- here thought proper to leave, casting from her eyes a small hardware-shop in the way of daggers at me, as much as to say, You are vicious, and I hate cheese! (theatrical for hate ye.) Fanny, left to herself, revealed all to me. Miss X----, through the Venetian blinds, had seen a--_gown_ in my room, late at night. 'It is too true,' said I, 'too, too true.' 'Al-lal-al-bert! you will b-b-break my h-heart. I c-could tear the d-d-destroy-oy-yer of my p-p-peace to p-p-pieces!'