THE POET SEEKETH THE READER'S FORBEARANCE. Delitigate me not, O reader mine, If here you find not all like flies succinous; My hand is porrect--kindly take't in thine, While modestly my caput is declinous; Nor think that I sugescent motives have, In asking thee to read my chevisance. I weet it is depectible--but do not rave, Nor despumate on me with look askance. Existimation greatly I desire; 'Tis so expetible I have sad fears That, excandescent, you will not esquire My meaning; see, I madefy my cheek with tears, On my bent knees implore forbearance kind; Be not retose in haught; I know 'tis sad, But get your Webster down, and you will find That he's to blame, not I--so don't get mad! THE POET COMMENCETH TO SING. The morning dawned. The rorid earth upon, Old Sol looked down, to do his work siccate, My sneek I raised to greet the ethe sun, And sauntering forth passed out my garden gate. A blithe specht sat on yon declinous tree Bent on delection to its bark extern; A merle anear observed (it seemed to me) The work, in hopes to make owse how to learn. A drove of kee passed by; I made a stond, For fast as kee how could my old legs travel? But--immorigerous brutes!--with feet immund They seemed to try my broadcloth garb to javel. The semblance of a mumper then I wore, Though a faldisdory before I might have graced; Eftsoons I found, when standing flames before, The mud to siccate, it was soon erased. If we should turn our attention studiously to this line of literary effort, we feel encouraged to believe that our success in a field of late so popular would be marked, and that we should obtain a degree of fame herein, beside which that of the moat shining light in the stilted firmament would pale its ray. But so long as God gives us the glorious privilege of emulating the stars, we shall not seek to win a place among the 'tallow dips' of parrot-poetry. A GREAT SOCIAL PROBLEM. MY DEAR CONTINENTAL: When the meteorological question was despatched, ladies have long had a habit of calling upon their servants to furnish them with small talk; high wages, huge appetites, daintiness, laziness, breakage, impertinence, are fruitful topics which they daily treat exhaustively; always arriving at the hopeless conclusion: 'Did you ever hear of anything like it?' and 'I wonder what we are coming to!'