The Continental Monthly, Vol 6, No 5, November 1864: Devoted To Literature And National PolicyVarious
History
The Continental Monthly, Vol 6, No 5, November 1864: Devoted To Literature And National Policy
Various
Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals; United States -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Periodicals
He was always reading or writing or going
somewhere with a kind of hidden, misty aim in his most objectless
journeys. After--as the necessity for such occupation wore away, and he
lapsed back into the old listless ways of dreaming--his thoughts were
always busy with the future; never now did he indulge in those wayward
dreams of old. They had a dangerous tendency to take a certain forbidden
way. Finally, this self-control became a habit, and he scarcely felt its
necessity. The 'might have been' never came back more poignantly than as
a vague, shadowy regret, that gave everything a slightly flat and
unpalatable taste. But he did not take life any less fully, or with any
abatement of whatever earnestness was in him.
Men are not patient under sickness, at least not that unquestioning,
unresisting patience which most women and the lower animals show. These
especially who are usually well and robust are a trial to the flesh and
spirit of those about them. Moore was not the wonderful exception. His
first few weeks in the hospital were not so bad; but when the actual
racking pain was over, and nothing remained but that halting of the
physical machinery to which we never give a thought during perfect
action--the weakness hanging leaden weights to every limb, the unwonted
nervousness and irritability, the apparently causeless necessity for
inaction--he was anything but a resigned man. Captain George, getting
his furlough and carrying him off, was blessed from the deepest heart of
the ward nurses. He had a kind of feeling that this his first illness
was a matter in which the universe should be concerned, and with that
fretful self-exaggeration came that other unutterable yearning that
attends the first proof that we are coheirs with others to the ills
flesh is heir to, weary homesickness and childish desire for sympathy.
So now, weakened physically with that strange new heartsickness,
paralyzing his will and giving freer scope to is feverish impatience,
George's careless words had rolled away the stone from the sepulchre,
and its prisoners were free. Not dead, not having lost a shade of color
from their wings, they nestled and gleamed through his heart, filling
the summer day with just such intangible perfect witchery as those other
days had been full of. Perhaps, too, time and absence had heightened the
charm. Imagination has such a way of catching up little scenes and words
and looks, and, without altering one of the facts, haloing them with
such a golden deceptive atmosphere, adding, day by day, faintest
touches, that they grow by and by into a something wholly different. So
that fortnight came back to him, an illuminated poem, along rich strains
of music, making every nerve thrill with the pleasure-pain of its
associations.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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