As he lay propped in his bed drinking it--slowly to make it last the
longer--Pauline sat looking at him. His hands had been fat and puffy;
she was filled with pity as she watched the almost scrawny hand holding
the cup to his lips; there were hollows between the tendons, and the
wrist was gaunt. Her gaze wandered to his face and rested there, in
sympathy and tenderness. The ravages of the fever had been
frightful--hollows where the swollen, sensual cheeks had been; the neck
caved in behind and under the jaw-bones; loose skin hanging in wattles,
deeply-set eyes, a pinched look about the nostrils and the corners of
the mouth. He was homely, ugly even; except the noble curve of head
and profile, not a trace of his former good looks--but at least that
swinish, fleshy, fleshly expression was gone.
A physical wreck, battered, torn, dismantled by the storm and fire of
disease! It was hard for her to keep back her tears.
Their eyes met and his instantly shifted. The rest of the world saw
the man of force bent upon the possessions which mean fame and honor
regardless of how they are got. He knew that he could deceive the
world, that so long as he was rich and powerful it would refuse to let
him undeceive it, though he might strive to show it what he was. But
he knew that SHE saw him as he really was--knew him as only a husband
and a wife can know each the other. And he respected her for the
qualities which gave her a right to despise him, and which had forced
her to exercise that right. He felt himself the superior of the rest
of his fellow-beings, but her inferior; did she not successfully defy
him; could she not, without a word, by simply resting her calm gaze
upon him, make him shift and slink?
He felt that he must change the subject--not of their conversation, for
they were not talking, but of their--her--thoughts. He did not know
precisely what she was thinking of him, but he was certain that it was
not anything favorable how could it be? In fact, fight though she did
against the thought, into her mind as she looked, pitying yet
shrinking, came his likeness to a wolf--starved and sick and gaunt, by
weakness tamed into surface restraint, but in vicious teeth, in savage
lips, in jaw made to crush for love of crushing, a wicked wolf,
impatient to resume the life of the beast of prey.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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