He had so little audacity--so little daring. He only believed in
Christ, in Antichrist, in his love, in her indifference--he only
believed! He only sought for the truth, and could not create it--he
could evoke neither a god from nonentity, nor a devil from dialectical
argument; neither a conquering love from carnal emotions, nor a
conquering hate from stubborn “Noes.” And he loved Elisaveta! He had
loved her a long time, with a jealous and helpless love.
He loved! What sadness! The languor of the springtide and the
joyousness of the morning breeze--the distant ringing of bells--tears
in one’s eyes--and she will smile--pass by--the dear one! What
sadness! How dark everything is upon this earth--love as well as
indifference.
Suddenly Piotr saw Trirodov quite near him. Trirodov was walking
straight upon Piotr, as if he did not see him; he moved quickly,
almost automatically, like a mechanical doll. He held a hat in the
hand that hung loose at his side--his face was pale--he had a wild
look--his eyes were aflame. He uttered disconnected words. He walked
so impetuously that Piotr had no time to turn aside. They came face to
face, almost colliding with one another. Trirodov gave a start when he
saw that he was not alone. His face had an expression of fright. Piotr
got out of his way awkwardly, but Trirodov walked rapidly up to him,
and looked intently as he turned his own back to the moonlight. Piotr,
involuntarily yielding to this movement, also turned round. The moon
now looked straight into Piotr’s handsome face, which seemed pale and
strange in the cold, lifeless light.
Trirodov began in a trembling, agitated voice:
“Ah, that is you?”
“As you see,” said Piotr in a tone of derision.
“I didn’t expect to meet you here,” said Trirodov. “I took you for....”
But he did not finish. Piotr, somewhat vexed, asked him:
“For whom?”
Without replying to the question Trirodov inquired:
“But where? ... There’s no one here. You didn’t hear...?”
“I wasn’t trained to eavesdropping,” replied Piotr; “all the more
since these fragments of poetry are inaccessible to me.”
“Who talks of eavesdropping?” exclaimed Trirodov. “No, I thought that
you had unwillingly heard some words which might have sounded strange,
enigmatic, or terrible in your ears.”
“I came here by chance,” said Piotr. “I was taking a mere stroll, and
was not here to listen to any one.”
Trirodov looked attentively at Piotr; then lowered his head with a
sigh, and said quietly:
“Forgive me. My nerves are in a bad state. I have grown accustomed to
living with my fantasies, and in the peaceful society of my quiet
children. I love seclusion.”
“Where did your quiet children come from?” asked Piotr somewhat
contemptuously.
But Trirodov continued as though he had not heard.
“Please forgive me. I too often accept for reality that which exists
only in my imagination. Perhaps always. I live devoted to my dreams.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account