Still, hitherto he had had his certainty. Her spirit might torment him
with its disappearances; through her body, surrendered to his arms, he
had had the assurance of ultimate possession. At night her genius had no
power over her. Sleeping, she had deliverance in dreams. His passion
moved in her darkness, sounded her depths; through all their veils of
sleep she was aware of him, and at a touch she turned to him.
Now it was he who had no power over her.
One night, when he came to her, he found a creature that quivered at his
touch and shrank from it, fatigued, averted; a creature pitifully
supine, with arms too weary to enforce their own repulse. He took her in
his arms and she gave a cry, little and low, like a child's whimper. It
went to his heart and struck cold there. It was incredible that Jinny
should have given such a cry.
He lay awake a long time. He wondered if she had ceased to care for him.
He hardly dared own how it terrified him, this slackening of the
physical tie.
He got up early and dressed and went out into the garden. At six o'clock
he came back into her room. She was asleep, and he sat and watched her.
She lay with one arm thrown up above her pillow, as the trouble of her
sleep had tossed her. Her head was bowed upon her breast.
[Illustration: It was Jinny who lay there, Jinny, his wife]
His watching face was lowered as he brooded over the marvel and the
mystery of her. It was Jinny who lay there, Jinny, his wife, whose face
had been so tender to him, whose body utterly tender, utterly
compassionate. He tried to realize the marvel and mystery of her genius.
He knew it to be an immortal thing, hidden behind the veil of mortal
flesh that for the moment was so supremely dear to him. He wondered once
whether she still cared for Tanqueray. But the thought passed from him;
it could not endure beside the memory of her tenderness.
She woke and found his eyes fixed on her. They drew her from sleep, as
they had so often drawn her from some dark corner where she had sat
removed. She woke, as if at the urgence of a trouble that kept watch in
her under her sleep. In a moment she was wide-eyed, alert; she gazed at
him with a lucid comprehension of his state. She held out to him an arm
drowsier than her thought.
"I'm a brute to you," she said, "but I can't help it."
She sat up and gathered together the strayed masses of her hair.
"Do you think," she said, "you could get me a cup of tea from the
servant's breakfast?"
He brought the tea, and as they drank together their mutual memories
revived.
"I have," said she, "the most awful recollection of having been a brute
to you."
"Never mind, Jinny," he said, and flushed with the sting of it.
"I don't. That's the dreadful part of it. I can't feel sorry when I want
to. I can't feel anything at all."
She closed her eyes helplessly against his.
"It isn't my fault. It isn't really me. It's It."
He smiled at this reference to the dreadful Power.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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