England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"You are fond of somebody else?"
It was between an exclamation and an inquiry. Bending forward, Olga
awaited the reply as if her life depended upon it.
"I am fond of no one--in that sense."
Irene's look was so fearless, her countenance so tranquil in its
candour, that the agitated girl grew quieter.
"It isn't because you are _thinking_ of someone else that you can't
marry Mr. Jacks?"
"I am thinking simply of myself. I am afraid to marry him. No thought
of the kind you mean has entered my head."
"But how will it be explained to everybody?"
"By telling the truth--always the best way out of a difficulty. I shall
take all the blame on myself, as I ought."
"And you will live on here, just as usual, seeing people----?"
"No, I don't think I could do that. Most likely I shall go for a time
to Paris."
Olga's relief expressed itself in a sigh.
"In all this," continued Irene, "there's no reason why you shouldn't
stay here. Everything, you may be sure, will be settled very quietly.
My father is a reasonable man."
After a short reflection, Olga said that she could not yet make up her
mind. And therewith ended their dialogue. Each was glad to go apart
into privacy, to revolve anxious thoughts, and to seek rest.
That her father was "a reasonable man," Irene had always held a
self-evident proposition. She had never, until a few days ago,
conceived the possibility of a conflict between his ideas of right and
her own. Domestic discord was to her mind a vulgar, no less than an
unhappy, state of things. Yet, in the step she was now about to take,
could she feel any assurance that Dr. Derwent would afford her the help
of his sympathy--or even that he would refrain from censure? Reason
itself was on her side; but an otherwise reasonable man might well find
difficulty in acknowledging it, under the circumstances.
The letter to Arnold Jacks was already composed; she knew it by heart,
and had but to write it out. In the course of a sleepless night, this
was done. In the early glimmer of a day of drizzle and fog, the letter
went to post.
There needed courage--yes, there needed courage--on a morning such as
this, when the skyless atmosphere weighed drearily on heart and mind,
when hope had become a far-off thing, banished for long months from a
grey, cold world, to go through with the task which Irene had set
herself. Could she but have slept, it might have been easier for her;
she had to front it with an aching head, with eyes that dazzled, with
blood fevered into cowardice.
Dr. Derwent was plainly in no mood for conversation. His voice had been
seldom heard during the past week. At the breakfast-table he read his
letters, glanced over the paper, exchanged a few sentences with
Eustace, said a kind word to Olga; when he rose, one saw that he hoped
for a quiet morning in his laboratory.
"Could I see you for half an hour before lunch, father?"
He looked into the speaker's face, surprised at something unusual in
her tone, and nodded without smiling.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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